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littlerayofsunshine
1 1,085 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts90 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2018 Member sinceJanuary 11, 2015
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So its my first time...
Depression Support / by littlerayofsunshine
Last post
 April 19th, 2015
...See more So i'm coming to the realisation that the way I've been feeling is more than just a bit sad or anxious. I'm actually scared to say it because this is the first time I've had any real contact with it and although I understand a community like this won't ever stigmatise depression is still a very foreign and distant concept to me. And if i say it once, there is no going back. I will always know from now on that this is something that I went through. or will keep going through. who knows how long it will last or even if i do make it to the other side.   But here I am saying it for the first time. I think I'm depressed. It seems so dramatic and self centred and unreasonable of myself to say it now. Because I stopped crying a couple mintues ago and now I'm just clear headed. I know that other people that go through it have far worse cases and issues to deal with. I read on these forums and through research I do how strong people are and how bad the situations are and they seem to come out the other side stronger and can support other people. It's really amazing. But the questions I have are to help me clarify whats wrong with me and how I stop it or if I am really depressed or of I'm hormonally imbalanced or something.   Does everyone going through depression have a trigger? If it is a hormone inbalance, will medecine fix it and will it last forever? Because I don't have specific issues in my life 'right now' am I being dramatic and self centred, or do I have just have really shit coping mechanisms for minor things in my life? My issues are superficial, so I'm superficial. I wonder if this is because I was raised to expect a certain amount from myself and my life? I know there are people in the world so much less fortunate than me, and that I should consider myself lucky for having a home and a family and for the life I live. Really, the want for more, or the fear of the future and disappointment is what upsets me. And the feeling I can't shake that I'm making so many wrong decisions or not making any at all and soon it will be too late and I'll be stuck in a life I do not want. I keeping thinking, 'how selfish of me'. Even if its not the life I want. It will be fine. The want for real love and fullfillment is whats scary. Do I deserve better? I don't see why I do. And is a medeocre life worth risking? It could be the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want to hurt the people that love me. It could just be a dramatic case of the grass is always greener.   I know I only have a mild case of whatever this is. I can still get up and do things. I have only told one person how I was feeling and he suggested I had some symptoms of depression and to speak to my doctor. I can;t tell my parents or siblings. I want to tell ym boyfriend but I don;t think hell understand or offer much help.   On beyond blue and things like that they talk about the symptoms being feelings of worthlessness and not being able to get up. or motivation. The symptoms listed to me feel so generic and don't get to the root of the problem. Don't most people feeling this way have other issues going on specific to themselves? Do most people going through this need to see a therapist to talk about their sepcific situation?   So I don't know what is wrong with me then. I can still get up. I have external motivation, I do what needs to be done and what expected of me. I sleep like a log when I can get to bed, but the rest of the time I'm exhausted.   I cry alot. Anything will set me off. A song a conversation. good, or bad new from someone. the news. Sometimes i have to distract myself from ym thoughts about my future or I'll start crying on the train on the way to work. Is this a hormonal thing? I just want to feel normal and I thought it would go away, like...I used to think it was PMS and I was overreacting to everything. And for like 2 days a month it is PMS...but then the 2 days became a week. and then a week either side...and now the days that are good seems few and far between...What is going on and how do I fix it? If I go to a doctor and they do decide I am depressed and need something other than my GP, who am I supposed to tell? and how?
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