So its my first time...
So i'm coming to the realisation that the way I've been feeling is more than just a bit sad or anxious. I'm actually scared to say it because this is the first time I've had any realcontact with it and although I understand a community like this won'tever stigmatise depression is still a very foreign and distant concept to me. And if i say it once, there is no going back. I will always know from now on that this is something that I went through. or will keep going through. who knows how long it will last or even if i do make it to the other side.
But here I am saying it for the first time. I think I'm depressed. It seems so dramatic and self centred and unreasonable of myself to say it now. Because I stopped crying a couple mintues ago and now I'm just clear headed. I know that other people that go through it have far worse cases and issues to deal with. I read on these forums and through research I do how strong people are and how bad the situations are and they seem to come out the other side stronger and can support other people. It's really amazing. But the questions I have are to help me clarify whats wrong with me and how I stop it or if I am really depressed or of I'm hormonally imbalanced or something.
Does everyone going through depression have a trigger?
If it is a hormone inbalance, will medecine fix it and will it last forever?
Because I don't have specific issues in my life 'right now' am I being dramatic and self centred, or do I have just have really shit coping mechanisms for minor things in my life?
My issues are superficial, so I'm superficial. I wonder if this is because I was raised to expect a certain amount from myself and my life?
I know there are people in the world so much less fortunate than me, and that I shouldconsider myself lucky for having a home and a family and for the life I live. Really, the want for more, or the fear of the future and disappointment is what upsets me. And the feeling I can't shake that I'm making so many wrong decisions or not making any at all and soon it will be too late and I'll be stuck in a life I do not want.
I keeping thinking, 'how selfish of me'. Even if its not the life I want. It will be fine. The want for real love and fullfillment is whats scary. Do I deserve better? I don't see why I do. And is a medeocre life worth risking? It could be the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want to hurt the people that love me. It could just be a dramatic case of the grass is always greener.
I know I only have a mild case of whatever this is. I can still get up and do things. I have only told one person how I was feeling and he suggested I had some symptoms of depression and to speak to my doctor. I can;t tell my parents or siblings. I want to tell ym boyfriend but I don;t think hell understand or offer much help.
On beyond blue and things like that they talk about the symptoms being feelings of worthlessness and not being able to get up. or motivation. The symptoms listed to me feel so generic and don't get to the root of the problem. Don't most people feeling this way have other issues going on specific to themselves? Do most people going through this need to see a therapist to talk about their sepcific situation?
So I don't know what is wrong with me then. I can still get up. I have external motivation, I do what needs to be done and what expected of me. I sleep like a log when I can get to bed, but the rest of the time I'm exhausted.
I cry alot. Anything will set me off. A song a conversation. good, or bad new from someone. the news. Sometimes i have to distract myself from ym thoughts about my future or I'll start crying on the train on the way to work.
Is this a hormonal thing? I just want to feel normal and I thought it would go away, like...I used to think it was PMS and I was overreacting to everything. And for like 2 days a month it is PMS...but then the 2 days became a week. and then a week either side...and now the days that are good seems few and far between...What is going on and how do I fix it?
If I go to a doctor and they do decide I am depressed and need something other than my GP, who am I supposed to tell? and how?
I am sorry you are having such a hard time.
You need to go talk to your GP. Hopefully you have a good relationship with him/her. It maybe hormonal, so blood tests may be in order.
If you are depressed, hormonal or not, there are a few people you can talk to. I had post natal depression years ago and I managed it with my GP, anti depressants and I had regular visits with a counsellor. She was brilliant.
Other options are a psychiatristor a psychologist.
so that is who. How do you tell? That is their job. And they are very good at it. In my experience it involves a lot of crying!! But they usually know what to ask to get you to open up and to help you to get out what you need to get out.
The counsellorI saw all those years ago for the PND I have recently gone back to for help in dealing with a chronic illness i have developed. She helps me deal with the emotions and she helps straighten out my messy headspace. And on the days when i know i am a mess but am not sure why, she knows the questions to ask to sort out the mess.
Go to your doctor, take the first step, and they can work out the next step with you.
Hello my friend. My hart goes out to you. May I start by saying I do not think there is anything great wrong with you. Please I am not saying you are not deprsed. I believe you are. But that does not mean you were born on the wrong planet. I would say see your G P. If he or she does not help you maybe see another GP. They should be able to refer you to psycologist or who they see fit. And there is nothing wrong with asking for help. The worst thing is not asking for help when you need it as you appear to. As for telling your family and friends perhaps write a letter and leave it on the bench when you will be out for a while. You speak of all you have and good family will understand. Trust me I have been virtuly in the gutter. I have now been married for 25 years and an alcoholic and sober for almost as long. I have had depression for 30 years and right now I am here for you. So remember I have your hand and you will not fall because I will not let go. I am in process of becoming a listener on 7 cups. If you would like I can put the kettle on and share a cup of tea Keep smiling From your friend John in Australia