lostintheabyss13 Member Profile

...See more So about two weeks ago my anxiety acted up out of nowhere. For some reason, it made me so terrified of my friends that I distanced myself from them for that entire week (barely spoke to them and if I did, I would simply nod or shake my head as an answer). Even though they had established that they didn't hate me and they weren't plotting against me, I was still scared of them, and it got to a point where the week after that, I just skipped school altogether. I also shut my phone off cause I would freak out when they texted, as well as deactivated all my social media accounts. When I was finally calm enough, the first thing I did was to try and text them. It was hard since my hands wouldn't stop trembling, and it took me a long, long time before I finally pressed send. Now these friends of mine were very empathetic and patient so I don't understand why it is that I still feel afraid even until now. I've managed to get somewhat comfortable communicating with them via text (though receiving texts from them still make me nervous and I have to put my phone away and calm myself before I am able to reply). Seeing them in real life is another matter. I met up with one of them, cause I thought it might help. I was wrong. I couldn't breathe. I was having hot flashes, tremors, and I had to sit in the bathroom for a long time while my friend stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. And in all honestly, I feel like was to be blamed. I felt so awful for being like this. I felt like I no longer belonged in our group, that I no longer deserved to be there with them. The next day I had to work on an event for a school group project I had with them. I was so close to backing out and not showing up but I really did not want to miss out so I turned to alcohol. I went to our meeting place with wine stored in my plastic bottle and would take a swig whenever I would feel my anxiety acting up. I got drunk, eased up, and was able to talk/laugh/joke around with them like I normally would (prior to my anxiety episode). But now the alcohol's worn off, my symptoms are back, and I've shut off my phone once again. I really don't want to keep ignoring them but the anxiety I get when I'm around them is really bad. Obviously, getting myself drunk again for school isn't an option. Any advice on how I can start talking to them again and ignore the stupid thoughts and worries that go through my head?

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