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lover119
1 11,464 M Pacing Forward 5
okay so boom
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts568 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceJuly 1, 2026
Bio


trying to figure out my enneagram, if you could help maybe message me? 🩷




Recent forum posts
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attachment/black and white thinking
Relationship Stress / by lover119
Last post
 August 16th
...See more I can’t help but separate someone as bad and good. I know this might seem normal a couple of times but have you ever been convinced someone is completely evil and is dangerous? I’ve thought that for everyone in my life at least once. It’s already hard for me to control my emotions and to not let it control my life but lately it’s been getting worse and it’s ruining my relationships. I can see someone as completely evil and irredeemable and it doesn’t go away. I am very non-confrontational, and naturally distant. So for me to have these thoughts and feelings and not have an outlet without it ruining my relationships is important. I really want to understand how to fix this and to stop seeing one flaw as an assumption that someone is entirely bad. Sometimes it feels so heavy that I feel like I’m sensing a devil or an angel. I haven’t outwardly said anything yet but it seems to be too frequent. I have tried to cut off contact with my sister and my father because of this. I’m aware that I’m being dramatic but I can’t help it. I try my best to control my emotions when this happens but if I try and view them as neutral, it makes me feel like I’m in constant danger.  I’m sorry for this being so cluttered, my brain is just all over the place and I just wanted to get rid of my thoughts 🥲
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Possible PME or PMDD
Women's Issues / by lover119
Last post
 August 6th
...See more Getting my period was always a minor inconvenience for me, barely any craps, stomach aches, or moodiness. I’d always watch other girls complain about their cramps and how lucky they think I am because I don’t have period pain. I also thought I was lucky too, but lately I’ve been thinking that my period pain is more mental. I’d say that’s a little more manageable than physical pain, sounds horrible to me. Nonetheless, every two weeks surrounding my menstrual cycle I get super depressed out of nowhere, suddenly everyone is out to get me or is corrupted. I get episodes of intense anxiety, mood swings, all that fun stuff. Now looking at it, I always become super emotional and then It starts to fade into numbness. Like I can’t handle all of it so my brain forces me to feel much less. I feel intensely bored and need to make myself feel something.  It usually starts 2 weeks before my period. But this time It started on the week of my period and the week after. Same old stuff, SI, sleeping, enjoying nothing. I’ve even leaned toward MDD, I think that may be the case. I’ll have to evaluate it near my cycle, that might help me figure out what it is. I’m hoping I can get to my doctor soon and tell her what’s been going on. In the meantime, does any other girl struggle with this? I’d like to know the cause and how it’s like. 
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obsessive friendship
Relationship Stress / by lover119
Last post
 August 13th
...See more I found this girl online who I was so jealous of I started to kind of fall in love. I was obsessed with her, and she barely cared. Now looking back, I think she hated me. It was odd, this was the first time anything like this had happened. I know people talk about how scary it has to have a friend who’s obsessed with you, and I’d imagine on the other side it looks terrifying. It was pretty bad limerence, but not in the romantic sense. I usually find people I idealize, and I look at them like they’re perfect. This time was different. It was unusual and although I never told her I’m sure she could feel it. I want to feel it again, I know it’s unhealthy but it gives me something to think about. Every time she talked to me, I felt joy. Only joy and adrenaline. It’s like all my problems went away. I felt that I wanted to become her in a way, she was everything I wanted. I broke off that friendship myself, and now I want it back. I used to think about her every day, and I could physically feel my heart hurting for her. I do want some answers and help, and I hope this doesn’t scare anyone, I’m just unwell.
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Mental Health Hierachy
Anxiety Support / by lover119
Last post
 August 24th
...See more Since the beginning of my teenage years, all I’ve seen is people brush off depression and anxiety like it’s just a little nuisance. People seem to think that anxiety and depression are on the bottom of the hierarchy for mental health. That isn’t true, and I don’t believe there should be a ranking for that kind of stuff either. As someone with both PTSD and social anxiety, the reaction is different when you tell someone you struggle with one of them. People think social anxiety is just a silly trait that other people have. Like it’s a trend, and it’s cool to have it. I understand PTSD is not as common as social anxiety, and the complications are very different, but I’ve always struggled with social anxiety more, and no one bats an eye. They’ll brush it off as me just being awkward and shy, meanwhile I’m struggling to survive because of my thought. I have struggled with social anxiety my whole life and I’ll probably struggle with it for many years after. I want support, I don’t want people to laugh at me once they see me doing something disordered. They don’t even know my social anxiety is connected to my PTSD. They only care when it’s something detrimental, otherwise they won’t give you sympathy. It’s just constant, “same” or, “just talk to people it’s not that hard.” 🫠
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OCD + People are annoying
OCD & Related Behaviors / by lover119
Last post
 July 22nd
...See more Most people I come across think OCD is just about being clean, and they don’t see it as its own functioning disorder. I don’t get mad, there’s no reason to. If I didn’t figure out I had OCD, I’d be the same. But that being said, whenever I explain I’m having a hard time with OCD, they don’t understand. I talk about my h@rm ocd, how I ruminate and how I can’t seem to find a break, even when I sleep. They don’t understand and they just think I’m an anxious, dramatic person. OCD is a disorder that heavily revolves around anxiety, yes. But having intrusive thoughts all the time Isn’t fun or easy. It is one of the most debilitating disorders for a reason. I hope this reaches out to someone who relates.
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