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lumint
3,369 M Seeking Light 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts105 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2019 Member sinceJuly 2, 2017
Bio

hello! i’m ollie. i’m 17, ftm, and in recovery from the monsters that tried to
ruin my
life. i’m on here to maintain and talk with people my age.

Recent forum posts
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Intrusive thoughts, pure obsessional ocd?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by lumint
Last post
 June 23rd, 2019
...See more I've been having terrifying thoughts. they're like a movie playing out in my head and i can see every detail. the thoughts are always the same. it's of me, in all black baggy clothes. i pour gasoline all over myself and throw a lit match into the puddle below me. i feel numb when i think the thoughts. not emotionally but physically. sometimes i've even had urges to try and do it to see if it'll make the thoughts stop for once. they've been haunting me for the past few days. they're so vivid and i wanna cry whenever they come into my head. i DON'T want them, i DON'T wanna try burning myself, but it's so tempting sometimes, even if i know it'll kill me. I'm not suicidal but the thoughts are still there and i'm scared my ocd is coming back i haven't had an ocd relapse in a while. i still have the little quirks to sort out (not stepping on cracks, hating even numbers, etc), but usually it's pure obsessional ocd. when my past therapist told me about it, i was like, "woah, that describes me so well at times!" i'm mainly scared becuase what if my trich starts acting up? or my tapping and counting compulsions? i don't want that on top of the other things.
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i have a plan... (TW ED)
Eating Disorder Support / by lumint
Last post
 June 7th, 2019
...See more so, i have a plan to help me lose weight and not relapse. i don't want to go back to the hospital nor do i want a feeding tube again, so i'm not gonna just stop eating. what im gonna do is skip lunch at school, so my parents wont find out. then all other meals are gonna be eaten normally. no drinks with calories as well. i'm not making any other rules at all. no calorie rules, i'll just estimate because my parents see where i go online. this lil plan is gonna help me lose the weight i gained during my weight restoration diet, and it'll take time but i'm willing! like i said, NO MORE RULES than the ones i listed above. i wanna lose the weight so bad so that maybe i'll be happier. i want to be skinny so ba. i'm not gonna say numbers but i wanna get below my lowest weight (which wasn't even that low smh). i hope this works... my parents don't trust mee to exercise so this is my last resort.
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