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mano22
1 716 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 23, 2025
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Here for speak anything that hurt me.

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Idk when my life is gone?
Depression Support / by mano22
Last post
 September 24th, 2025
...See more I don't know why I downloaded this app, maybe I just wanted someone to listen to me without feeling judged. To this day I feel empty. I don't know where my life is going, I'm 21 years old next year I'm supposed to graduate from my bachelor's degree, I have a very good GPA, I came out of high school with honors, yet it seems like all of that is worthless, it's not enough, I feel like everyone else is always one step ahead of me, last year I thought I had hit rock bottom because totally demoralized by my first flunking in college plus first low grade (24) plus an old flame had re-engaged, I thought I couldn't hit rock bottom any more than that, yet I had friends in college and over time I had managed to make friends and slowly managed to be happier and happier until I realized that I had fallen in love with one of them, I preferred to leave things as they were in the meantime I managed to do a lot of good things in college thanks to this girl I liked, she was able to give me motivation stimulation and a safe place since in my house it is not possible to have it. passed the messi me and this girl bonded more and more in the meantime she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, so I deluded myself even more, our group of friends strengthened and we went out spesos togethere even outside the university I thought I was never that good, really, I was happy, the exams I could give them and everything was ok, until I felt jl breath on the neck of "Time" I wanted to declare myself to this girl, I take small steps every day and I start to talk about it with a close friend of the group but slowly she starts to "Disappear" I don't know to this day if she knew or had guessed but it really hurt, for the economy of the group nothing had changed all the same, but between me and her there wasn't that relationship anymore until she asked me again, I often helped her, for a hand in a specific exam, I saw it as a way to reconnect and so I give her a hand even on the day of the exam I half do it for her by handing me the paper during the taking, I got 29 and she got 27 very much by my grace, once this exam was over I thought she and I would reconnect instead nothing, desert again, until the next exam where, I often showed up to her exams to support her, she tells me she was going away from that university and that month was the last one in town. there I broke down, I remember crying, I spent a summer wondering and imagining impossible ways to see her again, some really absurd but nothing. I started talking to some friends in the group about this situation they supported me but told me that they too were leaving the next year. again I was devastated, I was very sad and spent the last few weeks with as much time as I could with them. Anyway as the months went on through messages we keep in touch and they told me to look for a new "Point" of reference so I could forget the girl left, I even though challenged I try and find a girl who attracts me, after a few days of waiting I find the courage to make the first step, we get to talking and I ask her out, it's okay she seems super into it so I ask her a few days later to go out again, she refuses several times with trivial excuses, so my friends say let it go, I do that for a while but then I have those moments of pure sadness where I just want some levity and I try to write to her, she cold as ice, today, since we go to the same uni, I stalked her schedule to class so I could have a "spotaneo meeting" telling her about it is embarrassing and a friend of mine said it's pretty lame however now since this year I'm completely alone and I don't know how fsre to rebuild that bubble of security I had with friends who left... I don't know what I expect from this post, but perhaps you'll suggest some comfort? I don't know, I should probably get a lawsuit or something. I don't know how to get out of this, I don't know how to stop myself from feeling alone, useless, and inept. Every day at university is becoming very difficult, not because of the studying but because of the loneliness that hovers around me. I feel like I'm alone. I'd like to go back and maybe make different choices. I wish she were here. I wish there were so many things. But I don't know what to do.I also see everyone doing experiences, Erasmus, I was just rejected, jobs, I've never worked yet, love experiences, abroad I'm too poor, I don't know what I'm planning with this new girl also because I couldn't financially satisfy her, but I just want someone who believes in me and maybe says she its okey.
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