Idk when my life is gone?
I don't know why I downloaded this app, maybe I just wanted someone to listen to me without feeling judged.
To this day I feel empty. I don't know where my life is going, I'm 21 years old next year I'm supposed to graduate from my bachelor's degree, I have a very good GPA, I came out of high school with honors, yet it seems like all of that is worthless, it's not enough, I feel like everyone else is always one step ahead of me, last year I thought I had hit rock bottom because totally demoralized by my first flunking in college plus first low grade (24) plus an old flame had re-engaged, I thought I couldn't hit rock bottom any more than that, yet I had friends in college and over time I had managed to make friends and slowly managed to be happier and happier until I realized that I had fallen in love with one of them, I preferred to leave things as they were in the meantime I managed to do a lot of good things in college thanks to this girl I liked, she was able to give me motivation stimulation and a safe place since in my house it is not possible to have it.
passed the messi me and this girl bonded more and more in the meantime she broke up with her boyfriend at the time, so I deluded myself even more, our group of friends strengthened and we went out spesos togethere even outside the university I thought I was never that good, really, I was happy, the exams I could give them and everything was ok, until I felt jl breath on the neck of "Time" I wanted to declare myself to this girl, I take small steps every day and I start to talk about it with a close friend of the group but slowly she starts to "Disappear" I don't know to this day if she knew or had guessed but it really hurt, for the economy of the group nothing had changed all the same, but between me and her there wasn't that relationship anymore until she asked me again, I often helped her, for a hand in a specific exam, I saw it as a way to reconnect and so I give her a hand even on the day of the exam I half do it for her by handing me the paper during the taking, I got 29 and she got 27 very much by my grace, once this exam was over I thought she and I would reconnect instead nothing, desert again, until the next exam where, I often showed up to her exams to support her, she tells me she was going away from that university and that month was the last one in town.
there I broke down, I remember crying, I spent a summer wondering and imagining impossible ways to see her again, some really absurd but nothing.
I started talking to some friends in the group about this situation they supported me but told me that they too were leaving the next year.
again I was devastated, I was very sad and spent the last few weeks with as much time as I could with them.
Anyway as the months went on through messages we keep in touch and they told me to look for a new "Point" of reference so I could forget the girl left, I even though challenged I try and find a girl who attracts me, after a few days of waiting I find the courage to make the first step, we get to talking and I ask her out, it's okay she seems super into it so I ask her a few days later to go out again, she refuses several times with trivial excuses, so my friends say let it go, I do that for a while but then I have those moments of pure sadness where I just want some levity and I try to write to her, she cold as ice, today, since we go to the same uni, I stalked her schedule to class so I could have a "spotaneo meeting" telling her about it is embarrassing and a friend of mine said it's pretty lame however now since this year I'm completely alone and I don't know how fsre to rebuild that bubble of security I had with friends who left...
I don't know what I expect from this post, but perhaps you'll suggest some comfort? I don't know, I should probably get a lawsuit or something. I don't know how to get out of this, I don't know how to stop myself from feeling alone, useless, and inept. Every day at university is becoming very difficult, not because of the studying but because of the loneliness that hovers around me. I feel like I'm alone. I'd like to go back and maybe make different choices. I wish she were here. I wish there were so many things. But I don't know what to do.I also see everyone doing experiences, Erasmus, I was just rejected, jobs, I've never worked yet, love experiences, abroad I'm too poor, I don't know what I'm planning with this new girl also because I couldn't financially satisfy her, but I just want someone who believes in me and maybe says she its okey.
@mano22
I'm sorry that you have been feeling so down, and that your friends have moved away. It's certainly not easy to be young and lonely. I'm also sorry that the girl that you cared about has not returned your affection.
I've had a lot of infatuations and also heartbreaks. Based on my subjective experience, I'd say it may take a lot of dates, and several short-term relationships before meeting someone who is interested in having a meaningful long-term relationship. I think the nature of romance while young and single, includes a lot of heartbreak and rejection. The only way to avoid that is to have a more detached attitude towards the person you are dating. That never worked for me.
I'm pretty sure I dated at least 20 different women before getting into a serious relationship. That really wasn't my choice, but that's how it worked out.
The only comfort I can suggest is to be aware that you are not alone in your experience. I'm pretty sure that most successful relationships occur after several failed ones. Keep in mind, there are things to be learned from failed relationships that can prepare you to have a successful one.
There were a couple of times when I withdrew from college classes when I knew they were going badly, and continuing them would hurt my GPA.
I hope you find someone with whom you can really connect and have a close relationship. I also hope that you can avoid spending a lot of time pursuing someone who isn't interested in you. If you can do that, you are more likely to encounter someone who would really like to be with you.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm trying to hold back, mainly to avoid sounding desperate or something like that.
I think perhaps the part that hurts me most, apart from being constantly rejected, is that every day I find myself alone, and that's starting to weigh on me. But I hope this will sort itself out, or at least I hope so...
@mano22 the good news is that you are only 21 and have your whole life in front of you. There will be many love interests in your life. Maybe for now just focus on finishing college and getting a job. Find some meaningful hobbies for yourself. Try not to engage in love interests for awhile. Give yourself a break, say until the spring. At that point reassess where you are and what you want. Some time to clear your head may provide the needed levity to move on from this person.
Thanks, I will try, Right now, I think the important thing is not to get depressed and give up my studies. At the moment, it's still difficult. I'm involved with a girl, but I'm trying to break up with her because she's making me toxic. Besides, today went pretty well. I'm trying to meet new people, that motived me and however, they give me a breath of fresh air, perhaps the only positive note in my disappointments, which is that I am becoming less shy and less hesitant to contact people.
Thx for the message 🫠🫠
