marigoldens Member Profile

...See more Sometimes you just need to feel your sadness and I'm here to sit in it a little. I'm three years separated from my ex and have been in a new relationship for the past year. My boyfriend has an 8 year old son and I have a 16 year old (lives with her dad) and an 18 year old (lives with me). Dating someone who has a child has been such a fun experience; he's an amazing kid and a total sweetheart. My boyfriend's ex has a close relationship with his family and they stay in communication because of the son. Meeting my boyfriend this "late" in life has bubbled up feelings in me that are new. While I love our relationship and our kids, I'm sad that we missed that opportunity to create family together; it's another level of intimacy and permanency in a relationship and, even bigger, in extended family. I'm also struggling with the ages of my kids. I feel a great sense of loss, that haunts me throughout the day and gives me nightmares. Having a little one around reminds me of when my girls were that young and I miss it. I'm experiencing the classic anticipatory empty nest syndrome. I love my life, but so much of me wishes and lingers for missed opportunities in the past. It makes me sad, regretful, and displaced, When I express my feelings to my boyfriend, it is often taken personally or presented back to me as a problem I have that I'm not doing anything to resolve. I didn't get to tell him my "deeper" feelings regarding my kids. This is typicallty the dynamic of our conversations, at least when they are feelings-based. I work in a helping profession. I know rational versus irrational thoughts. I know "solutions" that can create closeness with his family. I'm aware I have many years ahead to continue making memories for my girls and it's great that I get to experience play again with a little one in the home. Intellectually, I know all of this, but I just need to *feel* versus stuffing. Thank you

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