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marionette94
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMay 3, 2015
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How do I move past the past?
Trauma Support / by marionette94
Last post
 January 8th, 2016
...See more I find this really difficult to talk about and it makes me uncomfortable, so I apologise if I sound ambiguous. I was abused when I was a child and it's completly destroyed my life. I've been in psychiatric hospitals and suffered with mental illness ever since. I'm trying to make a better life for myself, I'm in university and I've finally got a long term therapist but I still feel so broken in my daily life. I can't be intimate or sustain any relationships long term, even seeing my friends being intimate with their partners makes me seriously uncomfortable, I feel pathetic. I have such a deep inferiority complex and belief that things happen to me because I'm a bad person that it feels completely impossible to change. My therapist is working to help me try and overcome this but it feels impossible to change and I understand it's a gradual process but I just don't see this viewpoint ever changing. I'm about to turn 21 and I've spent my formative years as a child and teenager hating myself - is it possible to change? Has anyone been in this position and come out the other side? I don't have any one to talk to about this, I'd like to talk with my friends about it but it's too hard. I know they would support me and I think they know that I've been hurt in someway before we met but I feel I could never just tell them what happened. It's not a conversation I could take part in - I can't even look my therapist in the eye when we get near the subject. That makes me feel even sadder really because I feel I have loads of friends but none who really care about me. I just want to live my life without being so scared all the time. I want to be able to eat normally, have normal reactions to things, be in a relationship, trust other people and stop wasting my life but I don't know if I can move past the things that stand in my way even thought I really want to.  Sorry this turned out really wishy washy I'm not very good at saying what I want to say
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