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mattyblake
2 1,474 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts44 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceApril 12, 2023
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Life isnt fair.

you will mess your life even if you be really careful

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Hopeless help please
Depression Support / by mattyblake
Last post
 April 19th, 2023
...See more Hello. Can i get some help. I write it here cause i cant afford a therapist. And therapy is not really good here. I born in 2003 and will be 20 this may. And i *** mylife. I am in senior year(grade 12) It is my third year and i will fail. And i will spend 4 year in this grade. I lost all interest. I was a very good student. Always got 90 to 95%. Sometime 100%. In grade 10 i wanted to learn programming so i did that year. But after that i did nothing. Grade 11 nothing. Grade 12 nothing for 3 year. Meaning i wasted 4 years my life. I dont even know what i did and how i spend it. I always read book when i was younger like 12 and 15. To avoid making mistake and get a good life. But from grade 12 around during corona. I stopped everything. I have 0 friend fro 3 years. I havent got out with anyone. I havnt work(ashamed of that. I put pressure on my family. I never had a relationship. Actually i never even had a girl who is close as a friend. I am out of shape. I feel like going to university with young people which i be 3 years older than them at least. That mean i cant find a relationship. Who would go for an older man. I cant even know if i be able to study well for the next year. Dont know if my family can support me another year. I have to study at home cause schools dont accept me i have been home all this year. I dont want you to get emotional but i dont fear death it might even be a relive. And comfort from all of this. I have always tried to not mess it up. And yet i did. And yes these all are my fault i know that. I dont have doubt about that. But i cant get the idea of losing all of that and never be able to taste it like a normal person.
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