Hopeless help please
Hello. Can i get some help.
I write it here cause i cant afford a therapist. And therapy is not really good here.
I born in 2003 and will be 20 this may.
And i *** mylife.
I am in senior year(grade 12)
It is my third year and i will fail.
And i will spend 4 year in this grade.
I lost all interest. I was a very good student. Always got 90 to 95%. Sometime 100%.
In grade 10 i wanted to learn programming so i did that year. But after that i did nothing. Grade 11 nothing. Grade 12 nothing for 3 year. Meaning i wasted 4 years my life.
I dont even know what i did and how i spend it.
I always read book when i was younger like 12 and 15. To avoid making mistake and get a good life.
But from grade 12 around during corona. I stopped everything.
I have 0 friend fro 3 years.
I havent got out with anyone.
I havnt work(ashamed of that. I put pressure on my family.
I never had a relationship. Actually i never even had a girl who is close as a friend.
I am out of shape.
I feel like going to university with young people which i be 3 years older than them at least.
That mean i cant find a relationship. Who would go for an older man.
I cant even know if i be able to study well for the next year.
Dont know if my family can support me another year.
I have to study at home cause schools dont accept me i have been home all this year.
I dont want you to get emotional but i dont fear death it might even be a relive. And comfort from all of this.
I have always tried to not mess it up. And yet i did.
And yes these all are my fault i know that. I dont have doubt about that.
But i cant get the idea of losing all of that and never be able to taste it like a normal person.
@mattyblake unfortunately everyone makes mistakes in life and theres just no avoiding it the last few years you havent been focused on school you lost interest and focused your attention on other things you were interested in but you were doing what you wanted to do at the time right? i think wasted time is just doing something your not interested in doing and dont enjoy doing and now your interested in doing something else finishing this grade and its something you can do and when you do go to university thats true you will be older than some people but not everyone and some people will be even older than you even more at a university people are different ages and yes many women are interested in dating men older than they are its very common
I know right now you feel left out and like you dont belong but thats just right now your future is as different as the past was different as your life is now dont give up just keep working for what you want in your life
You didn't mess up. Your brain suddenly creating different chemicals and causing depression isn't your fault.
Your life path also hasn't been decided because you aren't on the same timeline as everyone else.
Avoid thinking long term and work on short term issues. It makes it seem less daunting. What can you do to make tomorrow better? What would doing school work just tomorrow look like?@mattyblake
@mattyblake
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed with many aspects of your life, such as your academic performance, social life, and future prospects. It's understandable to feel disappointed and frustrated with yourself for not achieving what you set out to do, but it's important to remember that it's never too late to make changes and improve your situation. It's also important to recognize that everyone goes through setbacks and struggles in life, and it doesn't make you any less of a person or diminish your worth as a human being.
It's great that you're reaching out for support, and it's important to keep doing so. While therapy may not be accessible for you at the moment, there are other resources you can utilize, such as self-help books, online support groups, or speaking with a trusted friend or family member. It's important to take small steps towards achieving your goals, such as setting realistic academic goals or finding a hobby that you enjoy. Remember to take care of yourself physically and mentally, such as getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy nutrition. It's also important to challenge negative thoughts and practice self-compassion. Remember, it's never too late to make positive changes in your life, and you deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life.
