mayarsaur Member Profile

How to be mindful??

Anxiety Support / by mayarsaur

February 8th, 2025

I think my boss triggered me unintentionally

Work & Career / by mayarsaur

June 20th

...See more hi everyone I’ll keep this short and simple… well, as simple as I can, because I don’t think I’ll be able to make it really simple. so I’ve been at my job for a year, this month made it a 1 year anniversary. It’s a really good job, probably the best that I’ve had since I was 18. (Now, are there advantages/disadvantages? Ofc every job does) but this job has been great as far as pay, benefits, hours, and even pto… so it’s kind of a no brainer that I actually care about my job because it works for me. OK, now that’s out of the way… (oh and my position is an assistant manager in retail) So, the company I work for, recently did/has gone through a rebrand and we have a lot of new people in corporate etc etc well, since August, payroll has been terrible. To the point that the company figured to contract out third party employees that were only meant to process our shipments. (But we only used these 3rd party employees for like, a couple of weeks) you can imagine that the employees who have been there for a long time, weren’t too happy about it and they still aren’t because we literally have no hours in our payroll. The days where it used to be at least one manager and maybe at least one associate in the morning, maybe a team member for a mid shift, and then a manager and a team member closing—are gone. I think in the beginning of September, my boss had asked myself and the other team leads if they felt comfortable opening/closing by themselves. We all said we were fine with it and that’s what we’ve been doing for a while. But a lot has changed since August/September. and you guessed it, the work load is more but there are no hours to schedule team members to help get the work done. It’s basically up to the managers at this point and if we do have scheduled employees with us, it’s like a relief. And it’s a little concerning considering it’s basically the holiday season and we’re getting a lot of shipment. but anyways. when we receive a lot of shipment, ofc it creates a lot of waste/trash (cardboard boxes mostly, but we do have big bags of garbage to throw out too.) and so because trash piles up really fast, I’ve been trying to get it out on Sundays (since all the trash seems to pile up during the week and we don’t have the hours to take it out during the week and we receive our shipment in Mondays) so I try to take it out on Sunday so that Monday it’s a smooth delivery. well, the last three times, I took the trash out by myself because I kept thinking about how we’re going to receive so many palettes because of the holidays, that I wasn’t thinking about the store policy being that a manager has to stay in the store and a team member (that’s over 18) can take the trash out (since it’s a bailer outside) so because I felt intense guilt, I told my boss. She wasn’t mad or anything but she did warn me to not do it ever again because another manager from another store had lost their job over that. I told her I understood but since Monday I’ve just felt a lot of guilt and I’ve kept thinking and rethinking everything I’ve done, whether or not it was OK or within policy or not. (Like I had left the back door propped open for shipment, ran down the hall at the end to check if he was coming and then ran back to the store) I’ve been trying to let it go and put it behind me, along with thinking of other random stuff that I think would have gotten me in trouble. But it’s been hard because like I said, I care about this job a lot, and I really don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize it. I’ve talked to some friends who had told me that I don’t owe my boss more of an explanation, and that it was good that I was honest with her. I mean my boss doesn’t seem bothered by that I told her, she seems to have made it like “water under the bridge” but yeah. I feel bad for asking for clarification on certain situations because I just don’t want to seem annoying about it. and I don’t want to keep outting myself? or I guess, ‘confessing’ so much where I could lose my job. my one friend said if there were situations that I did something and nothing came out of it, then there’s no reason to say anything. Which is true, but I keep feeling like there’s a need for my boss to know, and I don’t know why. It feels like I’m not being honest or that I’m being deceitful. but yeah I don’t know. I’m just talking out into the void lol

Not sure where else to write this

20 & Over / by mayarsaur

January 27th, 2024

...See more I guess I just want to get this off my chest. And maybe if anyone else has felt the same way? I’m currently on day three of my paid time off from my job. The last three days have just been down right boring. Then again, the last few days have been -11°F plus the snow, so I guess it’s cabin fever? I don’t know but I’ve been putting things into perspective I guess. I’ve been thinking about it since last night that I guess I am lonely? Like if I’m not at work, I really don’t have much going for me or much to do. I do have my boyfriend (we don’t live together) but he works constantly, pretty much every day. We talk thru *** messenger and the times that we do spend time together, he ends up falling asleep right away because he works so much. I do still live at home with my mom, but she goes into work early at 5am and doesn’t come until about maybe 3pm or 4pm. When she does come home, she tells me about her day, but she also goes to sleep pretty early because she’s tired from work. I have internet friends but I know they have their own lives to live outside of the internet, plus time zones plays a role too in delayed messages sometimes. As far as “in real life” friends, I don’t talk to any of them. I haven’t talked to or hung out with any of them for years. Most of them are married now or have kids so I feel like I wouldn’t be able to relate to them and I’m sure they’re also busy raising their kids or working. Plus it would just feel kind of awkward trying to reconnect with people who haven’t bothered to reach out to me for so long either. I don’t have any siblings and I’m not close with any of my cousins except for one but she lives pretty far and is also married. I know that a lot of this sounds like excuses or that I’m complaining, and that I created most of these problems myself which I’m not denying that I didn’t. But I guess it just feels really isolating to realize that if I’m not working, then I’m at home all day doing nothing. I don’t need someone to do something with but I guess it’s hard to find the motivation to do something fun by myself. I’ve tried brainstorming and even looking online to find something to do to preoccupy myself but nothing really sparked any interest. Even tonight, I’m a little hungry but I have no motivation to make anything. Even when I tried to make something, it was unappetizing to me. Everything just doesn’t seem appealing to me. So I don’t know. I guess I’m just the one who has the problem. Maybe when I go back to work I’ll ask if they offer a payout for vacation time because I don’t feel like doing all of this all over again. thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far.

I’m very broken

Relationship Stress / by mayarsaur

December 28th, 2023

...See more I don’t know where to begin but I’m just so hurt. I’m a 29 year old female, my boyfriend is 30. We have been going out for seven years. My mom and my grandma, who have had a big influence in my life, are upset that he hasn’t decided to be committed by proposing marriage to me. To give some background, my boyfriend is the oldest of his three siblings. His mom passed when he was 12 years old and their dad was deported when he was 16. His aunts and uncles on either side of his family have helped raise him and his siblings throughout the years of their life. When I met him, he lived (and still lives) in an apartment with his brother in a town that’s 30 minutes away that everyone considers to be a “bad area.” Despite all of that, I’ve accepted this. Before my boyfriend met me, he worked in construction with his uncles. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but at some point, his uncle asked my boyfriend (when he was younger, like 18) to use his social security number for the checks they received for the construction jobs they did. Since my boyfriend didn’t fully understand all the details, he let his uncle use it and because of this, even though it’s been years, my boyfriends wages are now garnished by the government because they believe that he made all this money (which he didn’t) and didn’t file taxes for it. This has definitely put a strain on our relationship. My boyfriend used to buy me dinner and gifts and now he can’t do that anymore. He’s racked up so much credit card debt trying to get by. Because of this, I don’t really expect much from him anymore. This Christmas that passed, he didn’t get me anything. But I got him and all of his siblings something. It really upset my mom more than me and now that I’m writing this, maybe I am stupid. My mom and grandma are aware of his situation but they still don’t understand why he won’t propose to me. My mom pretty much said to my face that he doesn’t give a *** about me and that he’s ruined my life and that all of his problems turn into my problems. These problems also being that this October, he crashed his car on the expressway because he’d been working so much trying to pay bills. So, often, he’ll ask me to either take him to work or drive him home… which again, is a 30 minute drive to and from. In the years that we’ve been together, he’s also taken in two dogs. The one dog is well behaved, ever since he was a puppy. However the second dog is a very active dog. He needs to go on walks, needs to play and run around… the problem is that my boyfriend and his brother work almost all the time and all day. Since I don’t live with them, I am often asked if I can check on them and I’ll usually play with them… but since I’ve recently changed jobs myself, and work farther than I used to, I can’t check on them as often. Even if I was to hire someone to check on them, the second dog is very reactive to new people he doesn’t know due to poor socialization, so he becomes destructive by chewing the couch or the walls. So tonight, I drove my boyfriend home from work. While I was driving home, he sent me a picture how the second dog chewed the couch again. He’s over it and upset. I was upset and cried to him over the phone and on my way home. When I explained the situation to my mom tonight, she blew up on me. She basically told me how he’s ruined my life and I’ve wasted all of these years with him. She proceeded to tell me how much she hates him, his siblings and family. She told me that he doesn’t care about me and that no one in his family cares about me either. I know that she’s hurt for me and she’s told me how she feels bad for me. At this point, I would just rather be alone. I’ve wanted marriage, I’ve wanted a future with my boyfriend. We wanted to live together and do all these things but he’s sacrificed more for his siblings than he has for me and I guess that should have been my wake up call… but I guess I was just trying to be understanding and accept that he’s not only a brother but also a parental figure to his siblings as well. I don’t care about being alone. I’m content on doing that for the rest of my life. I don’t want marriage or kids anymore. But I guess what’s hard to do is just actually saying to my boyfriend that we’re over. I’ll feel so sad about not seeing the dogs and worrying about them even if we broke up. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know if I broke up with him, my mom and grandma would probably be so happy because then that would mean I could find someone else. But that’s the thing is that I don’t think I’d want to be with anyone else. I just want to be alone. I don’t need another half to make me happy. I just wish I had the answers or knew what to do.

False Memory OCD

OCD & Related Behaviors / by mayarsaur

February 4th, 2024

...See more Hey all, this is my first post in this community. I’ve written one post in the anxiety support and come to find out that this false memory OCD is linked with anxiety. I’ve never been formally diagnosed but after reading an article, I pretty much agree with a lot of the symptoms. Most of my life I have not really experienced this… I can only recall one time back in middle school where I was questioning reality but I quickly got over it. But now that I’m older, I feel like within the last six months of this year, that it’s gotten worse. For example, I started a new job a month ago as an assistant manager. I’ve had a couple bumps here and there since working but it’s expected since I’m new to the role and trying to understand the processes of the job. But I’m always anxious about whether or not I’m doing the right thing or if I’m doing OK in the role. So far, everything has been alright… up until I told my mom how last night, when I closed with one of the team members, I had asked about the last assistant manager (they obviously no longer work there) and what they were like. (I had heard that they weren’t exactly the best) so I was curious. The team member recalled the brief time the last assistant was there but then Segway-ed into talking about our boss. It was really nothing but gossip. I only listened the whole time while the team member described how our boss used to be, such as over sharing details about her relationship, how she expects a lot out of new hired staff, and how she was very cold at one point. While the team member was telling all this to me, I just listened and didn’t say much. Mostly because these were details I never knew. When I explained to my mom how the team member was talking about the boss, she warned me to not add on to any future conversation when it comes to talking about the boss. Which, I agreed, I would never add on to the conversation to talk about my boss that way. But then it got me worried, and I asked myself, did I say anything that night? Clearly, as I just described the night in these last few paragraphs I didn’t, but it’s the false memory OCD where I’m questioning myself if I really did or didn’t say anything. It makes me feel or think because this team member was talking about the boss, that they will maybe say something to our boss over the weekend that we talked about her and involve me when I clearly didn’t say a word. There was at one point, this particular team member had told me that she shares details with me because she notices how I don’t say anything (most likely meaning how I don’t repeat what she says and continue in the gossip) and felt that she can trust me. Being in this role, I would like for the team to feel that they can trust me if they need to talk about serious things, whether work related or not. But my fear kind of lingers on the “what if” this team member decides to start trouble by saying that I was talking about my boss? I don’t know why I feel this way when this team member has never been known to act this way or do this type of behavior (from what I know) but I know the worst thing that could happen is when I return to work is my boss confronts me about it and asks what was said, and I’d be truthful about it. (If this said scenario was to happen) I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this type of OCD? How do you cope with this?

How to overcome my anxieties at work

Anxiety Support / by mayarsaur

November 27th, 2023

...See more Hello to anyone who reads this. I’m just kind of writing this out because I just need to let it out. Anything constructive is welcome or just comments or thoughts… but anyways I’m a 29 year old female and I’ve been working at my new job since November 6th. It’s a job that I’ve been wanting for for a long time. I’m an assistant manager at a name brand store, where I’m finally getting paid more than I’ve ever been paid and getting the hours that I’ve been wanting since I quit my job at Pet Supplies Plus back in April. To sum up my experience at PSP, it wasn’t the greatest. I’ll admit that partially me working there was my own fault for making stupid mistakes that I should have known better to not have made, but the management also didn’t make me feel very good about myself as a person or an employee. By the time I had given my notice, I was at a point that I was afraid of saying anything or doing anything that would make my boss upset or mad that I just had to leave. While she was nice at some points, I just could never feel very close with her and I always felt that she only tolerated me because I was there. It obviously left me very scarred because now that I am at my new dream job, I’m constantly nervous about whether or not I’m doing anything right or doing something wrong that would upset my new boss or upset the team. And while I’ve received a big welcome from everyone and I get along with the team, I’m still so cautious and over think my actions all the time. I will admit I have made, what I consider mistakes already, and the reaction is drastically different from pet supplies plus. Instead of getting a roll of the eyes and exasperated sighs, I get told “oh, it’s okay! Don’t worry about it!” and the day goes on. It’s like I’m almost waiting to be scolded or to be made to feel like I’m a piece of sh*t I also try to keep to myself a lot or not say too much either because I’m afraid of someone being offended and then telling my new boss I upset them. Or just afraid of doing anything that could be wrong that a team member would tell my boss. I just wish I could go into work feeling confident and put away all the bad and terrible things that happened while working at pet supplies plus behind me and focus on being better at my new job. And just not think that everything I do is going to upset my new boss (even though nothing bad has even happened yet! She’s been very nice to me) So that’s all I got =\

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