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milchiyach
551 M Embraced 4
PathStep 39 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceMay 30, 2021
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I am so afraid
Anxiety Support / by milchiyach
Last post
 August 16th, 2023
...See more i have a lot of problems considering my family, social life, my self-esteem, and my mental health in general. I feel like I don’t have anyone around me even though I have a lot of acquaintances I don’t feel safe enough to share my thoughts with them and now, on top of that, my doctor told me that I might have cancer (I will acknowledge the final diagnosis the next few weeks) and i am so afraid ive been trying hard to help myself with all the mental health problems but now it feels like it didn’t even make sense I have plans for my life and now I’m not even sure whether I’ll make it to the next year it seems like bad luck is following me since 2020 so many things have happened and i cannot affect them or change them in any way i can only change my perception and focus of attention i know that it might be not that bad but I am so stuck in my head I can’t stop all the intrusive thoughts
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constant fear of getting close to someone
Relationship Stress / by milchiyach
Last post
 August 21st, 2021
...See more I am constantly afraid of being too open, too close to someone I am acquainted with whether it's a friend, a family member or someone who show one's affection to me. I used to think that I am afraid of men and that's the only issue i have but recently I've realised that i am afraid of everyone else as much. I have the constant feeling that I cannot be accepted although i know it's a trap. It's hard to be myself in front of someone i know, even if it's a long-term acquaintance. I am always shy, anxious, awkward, I am not being myself anywhere besides my home. I always have the feeling people would get tired of me if i stay too close, but at the same time I am afraid of letting them know who i really am. I have a lot of behaviour patterns that do nothing but harm to me. I cannot joke, eat calmly, keep my back straight and etc. I am also afraid of someone having a quarrel with me- it happens every now and then- but it makes me so anxious, I barely can defend myself. I cannot even defend my own boundaries. I am afraid of saying something that others will judge. I understand that this mental state probably comes from the fact that i do not accept myself and, as a result, i rely too much on everyone except my own self again. Sometimes i think i can get over this but feelings are so hard to maintain. Sorry if my thoughts are not structured.
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I feel so small because I can't help my family
Anxiety Support / by milchiyach
Last post
 June 23rd, 2021
...See more All my family has fallen ill with the new indian stamm of covid-19. Me and my mom had to move to another flat for a while because we tested negative. Last friday my mom has fallen ill. She's been having a really high temperature, she couldn't even move and the only thing i could do was giving her tea, medicines and water. Her state's gotten worse and three days in a row i've been calling the emergency, they told me that they were going to call me later, but they never did so i had to call again and again. Only yesterday my mom got hospitalized, she was suffocating and vomiting. My granddad and grandmom also argue with me because they dont want to get hospitalized. and i have two exams this week and I didn't even get time to prepare for them properly. I cannot even solve my own problems. I am also extremely afraid that I've fallen ill too bc I am coughing. I am so anxious, I cannot help anyone, I also dont want to be ill because otherwise i wouldn't get the chance to give all the medicine to my parents and grandparents when they need it. My story is not structured at all. I am just so tired, I am sorry.
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I always fell like I am "not enough" regarding everything
Anxiety Support / by milchiyach
Last post
 June 5th, 2021
...See more This feeling appears when I am at the university, when I am at home, when I am with my friend_s- actually wherever i go or whoever i am with. It seems like no matter how hard i try i'll never be able to be good enough in anything or to anyone. It causes a lot of anxiety and stress- especially the thoughts that i do not have some sort of stability because of this. Seems like i do not have enough energy to do anything everytime i push myself to work/to look good/to be friendly.. I cannot get this emotional rest (??not sure how to explain) because there's that feeling that i cannot be myself- i cannot be accepted without always trying hard. I understand that i cannot be the best in everything but i just have the feeling that i need to do more, i need to try harder, i need everyone to respect me and when something goes not the way i imagined it- i am becoming afraid. I am trying to work with such thoughts as soon as i notice them but i just feel so tired and useless. It's like in that meme 'i just wanna be...appreciated'...haha Sorry if it doesn't make sense but thank you if you read this :)
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