miley4567 Member Profile

...See more I've been personally dealing with feeling numb to the problems that life are throwing my way. I'm only nineteen, and I wonder if I'll even be able to make it to twenty. There's so many chapters left unfinished or purely unopened in my life. I was planning on doing so many things in my life after accomplishing a huge personal achievement, which was losing one hundred pounds. I used to feel as if my life was uncontrolable, but the year prior to this pandemic I worked my ass off to lose one hundred pounds, get a car, and start attending college full time. With this pandemic, all of my achievements seemed to have been thrown out of the window alongside my controlled eating habits. I thought I had everything together... my life seemed too good to be true. I've started coping with my reappearance of depression through binge eating again, so I've unfortunatley gained about thirty pounds back. It's just an endless cycle of binging and restricting. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to be alive anymore because of it. Every time I do it, I know that it's affecting my ability to be as healthy as I possibly can. If I don't do something now, my chances of even finding love after this whole pandemic is slim to none as well. I've never been confident enough in myself to try to pursue a romantic relationship. I wonder if I'll ever get the opportunity to meet someone that could greatly impact my life and change me for the better. I want things to happen naturally, but society makes love feel so forced through social media and aplications like Tinder. I understand there's someone out there for everyone, but it just feels as if I'm meant to be alone. I don't want to come across as some heartless monster that hasn't experienced love or what it feels to be loved, but when I look in the mirror that's the only thing that I can envision. Again, I know that in order to love someone you need to love yourself first. Before this whole situation, I felt as if I truly loved myself... I even promised myself that this summer was going to be different. I was going to be the social butterfly that I've always wanted to be. I was going to take a risk and go on my first date... even have my first kiss. I was where I wanted to be in life, but now everything is just crumbling apart before my eyes. I just regret so much to the point where I feel like there's no way that life will ever be well again. I shouldn't have waited so long to start living life because now it appears as if there's no sense of living at all. I know this is defintely overshaing, but I figured this could be an appropriate outlet. If anyone ends up reading this, feel free to respond with how your mental health and life has been impacted during this time. I just want to connect with people who are struggling with similar feelings. Maybe, through all of this, we can help eachother.

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