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mish3l
1 5,016 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 58 Compassion hearts506 Forum posts236 Forum upvotes428 Current upvotes428 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJuly 13, 2023
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My first ever acryl painting 🎨
Mindfulness Center / by mish3l
Last post
 November 21st, 2023
...See more It's only A5 format but I think it's good. It's Linkin Park One More Light live. I was at their concert in 2017 in Prague. This song was the most beautiful moment, everyone was using their phone light and there were millions of lights everywhere 🤩 What do you think? :) Painting is therapy ☺️♥️
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help
Depression Support / by mish3l
Last post
 November 13th, 2023
...See more So it's my younger daughter's birthday today. She's 3 years old! And I didn't know you can be looking forward to it and at the same time having your depression episode 🤦‍♀️ Sorry for venting here but I think I really need it right now. And sorry for the cursing. On top of this it's the second week since I'm sick with this sh*tty covid-like illness, tired of coughing all the time, my period started yesterday so my belly hurts like ***, I have cramps all over my body from the (not yet diagnosed) tetania. And yes, even your neck and face muscles can hurt. Everything hurts. Maximum magnesium doses are not working anymore. How th do I get out of it so I can properly focus on her birthday party today evening? I'm really trying. I try to take care of myself today, having a hot bath, drinking a lot of tea, eating properly, telling myself it's alright and it will pass, resting a lot, having a no-working day despite of having a lot on my plate until the next week. I want to enjoy her birthday fully, I really want to. I just don't feel the happiness I should be feeling. I should be happy and I'm crying instead. I wish there was some fix switch that would make me all right at least for this day.
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How do I get rid of constantly reliving my past?
Trauma Support / by mish3l
Last post
 September 2nd, 2023
...See more Hi I'm new here. Up until I came to this platform and started a therapy, I didn't understand that what I have is probably trauma. I knew there was something wrong but I didn't know how to call it. Apart from a lot of other things, I was sexually harassed at 10 by a schoolmate during the classes. He touched me under the table and forced me to touch him on intimate parts. He didn't listen to me when I told him to stop and I was afraid to do or say anything because I would disturb the class and everybody will laugh at me. It was the worst experience of my life. Later on, when finishing high school, I got my first boyfriend and another thing happened to me with him. On a third or fourth date he took me to his room at the college dormitory. We kissed and suddenly he took off my shirt and played with my breasts. I guess it's normal for couples but it was definitely not ok for me after what I went through but at that moment I didn't know why I wasn't okay with it. I was just so scared and uncomfortable, it went out of my control, too soon, too fast. And I had a block or something, I couldn't tell him to stop. Back then I didn't understand that I had a block either, now I do. I'm almost 20 years older, I have a husband and two kids, one could say a happy life. But I still relive the moments from my past over and over again when having intimate moments with my husband. It got to the point I don't want him to touch my breasts anymore. And when he wants me to touch him down there, which is a normal thing in marriage, it's like I am in that class again, it's like daydreaming. It's so vivid I freeze and get overwhelmed with fear, I think it's called an anxiety attack. How do I get rid of it? Will it ever go away? I sometimes also cry after sex even though I enjoyed it, I don't even know why. Is it because of the trauma? Or because I feel useless because I'm unable to give my husband more? Is it both? Past few months I deal with depressions and grief so the cries get much more frequent, I'm really sensitive. My husband knows about my past and he tries to be gentle and patient with me but I feel like my blocks and anxiety attacks get worse with time. I try to enjoy the intimate moments with my husband but it's getting so much harder and longer to get to a point when I can just relax. Is there anybody having similar problems? How do you cope?
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