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modestCup1709
3,002 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 38 Compassion hearts169 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceMay 29, 2018
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I don't know what's going on...
Anxiety Support / by modestCup1709
Last post
 July 7th, 2018
...See more Hi guys, I'm modestcup, and I'm unsure of what my mental state is, not having been professionally diagnosed with anything except celiac disease... Some sort of overthinking, self-conscious, sometimes irritable, second-guessing car crash is the best way I can describe it at the moment. The very idea of public speaking makes me feel very antsy, and gives me the feeling of driving a car across a crumbling bridge. I am okay to participate in a group conversation with individuals I know well, but even giving a speech to a small group of friends brings tears to blur my eyes. I am fine with being part of the scenery, I have no fear that everyone is watching me when they're not... But as soon as I feel everyone's eyes on me, I start drowning in a sea of panic, where I am careening through a tunnel in a minecart, Indiana Jones style, and I have to do everything properly or I fall into a pit. (Of course I know this is completely incorrect and irrational... But it is irreversable.) Also, I have noticed that I have seemingly random "dysfunction attacks" as I affectionately call them. Where my sense of hearing pervades everything else in my mind. So if I'm sitting in the kitchen with my family, suddenly I notice the calling of the birds outside, the chewing of one of my family members, the chit chat, all at once, and I can't focus on anything else. These noises become so intolerable that I just want to collapse into a heap of nervous, twitching, sobbing jelly. (I don't. But functioning is very hard in these moments.) The "attacks" seem to fade after 30 mins or so, depending on the situation. I can also pretty much never corall my mind to stop thinking at night, so sleep almost always comes 2 hours or more after I go to bed. So I guess I'm here for answers... Does this sound like anxiety? Or am I in the wrong forum? Any advice or personal experience at all would be appreciated. <3
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