I don't know what's going on...
Hi guys,
I'm modestcup, and I'm unsure of what my mental state is, not having been professionally diagnosed with anything except celiac disease... Some sort of overthinking, self-conscious, sometimes irritable, second-guessing car crash is the best way I can describe it at the moment. The very idea of public speaking makes me feel very antsy, and gives me the feeling of driving a car across a crumbling bridge. I am okay to participate in a group conversation with individuals I know well, but even giving a speech to a small group of friends brings tears to blur my eyes. I am fine with being part of the scenery, I have no fear that everyone is watching me when they're not... But as soon as I feel everyone's eyes on me, I start drowning in a sea of panic, where I am careening through a tunnel in a minecart, Indiana Jones style, and I have to do everything properly or I fall into a pit. (Of course I know this is completely incorrect and irrational... But it is irreversable.)
Also, I have noticed that I have seemingly random "dysfunction attacks" as I affectionately call them. Where my sense of hearing pervades everything else in my mind. So if I'm sitting in the kitchen with my family, suddenly I notice the calling of the birds outside, the chewing of one of my family members, the chit chat, all at once, and I can't focus on anything else. These noises become so intolerable that I just want to collapse into a heap of nervous, twitching, sobbing jelly. (I don't. But functioning is very hard in these moments.) The "attacks" seem to fade after 30 mins or so, depending on the situation.
I can also pretty much never corall my mind to stop thinking at night, so sleep almost always comes 2 hours or more after I go to bed.
So I guess I'm here for answers... Does this sound like anxiety? Or am I in the wrong forum? Any advice or personal experience at all would be appreciated. <3
@modestCup1709
I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through this. Anxiety can be crippling at times, do you have any ways tht you try to cope?
have you looked into art therapy?
@HalaymaKhatunDiplomaCounselor Thank you for your kind reply! <3
I can't say I know what art therapy is. But I have found that zentangling (structured doodling) often puts me in a better headspace. Is that what you mean?
@modestCup1709 do you think you can look into art journaling
@HalaymaKhatunDiplomaCounselor I can definitely look into it, thanks! What brings the recommendation?
@modestCup1709
Hi modestCup: Here's an example of what an art journal could look like.
There's also Zentangling/Zendoodling.
A few years ago there was a whole coloring book rage where people would buy coloring books to color. I used to stick with the kid coloring books because I'd find the adult versions too overwhelming (too many small spaces).
Hope you find something you like. :)
@ReadBooksDrinkTea Thanks for that! To be honest, colouring books make me feel stressed because I micromanage my colouring skills. (Which, to compound that, aren't very good. I guess it could be a good way to challenge my insecurities if I'm feeling brave.) Children's colouring books, perhaps. I'll look into it.
I prefer zentangling, sometimes if I feel inspired I'll draw an eye or two, mistakes are usually pretty forgiving and fixable. My girlfriend is a talented artist, so there's often a lot of subconscious comparison that goes on in my head when I try to do art... But I don't think that's healthy for me or for her, so I'm working on letting that go.
@modestCup1709
No one on 7cups can diagnois you, however you are the expert on you, and know you best. I am proud of you for reaching out and getting the help you need on 7cupsoftea, and what you have does sound like anxiety. It seems as though you are in the right forum for that. It must be challenging to face everyday with this type of anxiety, but we are here for you, keep up the good work, and whatever happens, dont give up on the support you need. Self care and mindfulness are important, especially in this time for you. I promise you however, that things will get better eventually, and don't be afraid to reach out to someone and talk :) I know this isnt't the exact answer you were expecting, or hoping for, but I hope it was at least somewhat useful.
~~~MissSkeleton
@MissSkeleton Thanks a lot, I know no one here can diagnose me, I have an alt listener account... But the affirmation of my struggle helps <3 That's why I love this site. :)
@modestCup1709
Good, even Listener's need support sometimes, keep up the good work <3
~~~MissSkeleton
