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modestNectarine3752
1,247 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceOctober 24, 2019
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I think I might've lost myself?
20 & Over / by modestNectarine3752
Last post
 August 31st, 2024
...See more I don't know if this is fine to share out there. I personally think it might be destructive but it might also be...okay? Please be warned to not actually attempt anything written here.  About 4 years ago, I was in a very bad state, after I got my first panic attack. I can't live a day without anxiety and worse, I don't even know what makes me anxious. My brain just decided to be scared. It also doesn't help that I'm sensitive to other's emotions so being near anybody is like torture at the time. I went to counselling and able to manage it quite well (enough to function at least), but it never truly went away.  Jumping about 1.5 years later, still having massive anxiety and depressive problems, alone in my house, I got an idea that comes out of nowhere. "I won't be scared of anything if I don't expect anything, right?"  And I tried it out. By removing myself of any sort of expectations, none at all. Then I felt...free, and ironically, scared. I lost practically all expectations but also lost hope, dreams, motivation, and.... will to live. Its just a moment before I came back to my senses and got scared of it. But that small moment define my life after that.  I start to be...happier? Without a single care of the world, I felt free. I started not caring what others think of me, are not scared of....a lot of things. From that point on, death becomes...just something that happen. As much as I feel free, I also become less caring on the state of others. I'm still sensitive to it and I can still easily find out what the other person is feeling, but I just....don't care?  Since then, I have a lot of time for myself (as I don't care if I'm alone or not) and discovered a lot. I got to a point that I can give a bit of love to myself and be a bit more confident with my values.  As of now, I'm fine (with some relapse of anxiety sometimes) and managing quite well but it makes me wonder, did I lose myself? Should I have done that? Those who read till the end, thank you very much. Do let me know what you think of this and feel free to ask if you have questions. Please feel free to be harsh, soft, kind, however you want to express yourself, all are welcomed. Or ignore this entirely, that works too 😆
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General Relationship Questions
Relationship Stress / by modestNectarine3752
Last post
 February 27th, 2020
...See more I'm 21 years old male college student. I don't know who to ask without burdening them so I thought of just asking here. These questions are just general questions rhat I thought while thinking of my relationship problem with my friend. 1st, I always share a lot about myself to others generally, and a lot worse when its to my friend. I shared about myself relatively more than others to strangers as well. That brings the question how much is too much sharing? Is it okay to share? How much is okay? Idk. Just to clarify, I never had a romantic interest to anybody yet so all I have to compare to is my friends. 2nd, I had a fight with my friend a few weeks ago and she still not talking to me unless necessary. This fight however, can be avoided pretty easily on my part. If I dont tell her the truth. And I fake it a bit. Not lying though. I'll tell the details if anybody ask for it. Anyway, so I was thinking should I stay being truthfully honest, with full transparency with my friends or should I manipulate it a bit here and there. She's mad at me when I told the truth so idk. I promised her I will always tell the truth and be transparent to her. Its nothing related to romantic interest btw. I have more but I'll test the water with these 2 questions first. I'll ask the rest if I think its beneficial. Thank you for anyone that would even read or think about this. I'm really gratefull for the effort!😊😊 Oh, and anybody wanna chat, or rant, I'm all ears! 😆
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