morbidities Member Profile

...See more i never thought i'd be here, sharing my story but uh hi. i've been in several toxic relationships throughout my teens and they all did some serious damage. constant threats of suicide to manipulate me into staying and "caring". gaslighting me, belittling me, harassing me and, eventually, raping me. i never considered what happened to be harassment or rape because i didn't say no directly. i thought i deserved it and i thought i was supposed to like it. thought it was normal. it took me three years to finally admit to myself that what happened was very much rape and i very much did NOT need to like it. so now when i feel vulnerable or like someone is going to take advantage of me, i shut down and tremble and go temporarily mute. really easy for someone to talk me into something if i can't speak or make a noise. so now that i'm in a healthy relationship, i'm worried i can't have sex and that they'll leave when in reality, they support me and love me so much. it's really hard to forget what happened to me and i want to heal desperately but i suppose i keep picking the wound, so to speak. if anyone has been through something similar and has any advice, i'm all ears. this is the first time i've reached out for help and i feel very uncomfortable but i'm willing to bleed again and heal properly from this. i'm desperately trying to trust again as well.

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