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myparalleluniverse
2 29,093 M Aiming High 10
PathStep 85 Compassion hearts484 Forum posts73 Forum upvotes87 Current upvotes87 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceOctober 3, 2016
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Hi, I’m M🩷

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Losing Memory as a Result of my Eating Disorder
Eating Disorder Support / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 February 22nd, 2019
...See more Hello, I wanted to post in here to see if anybody else is experiencing the same problems I am facing at the moment. If you have anything that may help, I'd really appreciate that. Recently, I've been experiencing some memory problems as a result of my Eating Disorder. It has been getting progressively worse, I can't remember much of the past - I feel stupid when people ask me about my past and I simply can't remember anything from ages when I should remember. My long term memory, has definalty suffered - but so has my short term memory! It's difficult to explain, but I find it super difficult to remember things at the moment, not because I don't care but because it simply leaves my mind. I write lots of notes, and to do lists to try and remember - even then sometimes I forget! An example of something that i've been suffering with recently is even just general speak, i find myself stuttering a lot (not because I have a stutter) but more because I am trying to piece together what I want to say, and sometimes I forget what I am saying altogether. It takes me a couple of tries to get the whole sentence out. Those around me, haven't said anything but I know how frustrating it is for them to wait so long for the simple sentences. I get super embarrased about it, and I don't know what to do. I know I brought this on myself and I'm frustrated I let it get to this point - but I see no way out now. Memory is super important - with exams, with knowledge, with everything. I'm at a loss. Any help would be much appreciated!
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M
Journals & Diaries / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 August 9th
...See more idek know what this is but I get overwhelmed with my thoughts a lot and I guess I thought having one place I can write them out may help. We shall see! Im currently struggling with my mental health as well as just about every other area in my life and I dont even know what to do anymore. I feel like slowly but surely Im loosing all of the people Ive gotten close with. My online friends, offline friends and family members. People were right when they said nobody would stick around once they got to know me. I think its pretty clear that Im the problem. Im the common person here, its not like everyone else can be in the wrong. Soon I will be going through a transition in my life and I have no clue how its going to go down. I know none of the people I used to rely on for support will care - but I also dont know if I can cope with reaching out and getting denied again. I have a fear of getting rejected and being replaced. Which isnt the best when you are involved in both regularly. I feel like Im constantly replaced - in relationships, tasks and teams! Its like theres always someone better than me and I can never do anything to keep my place. I try and go above and beyond for everything I do in hopes someone will see my potential and keep me around a little longer. But eventually it always happens. I thought some of the friendships this time were different, I thought they actually cared. I guess I was wrong. Im only a friend when Im useful to them. I guess I need to stop trusting so easily. I need to stop being so awful that people leave. Maybe then Ill find some happiness. Who knows? ~ M
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eating disorders listener
General Support / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 July 20th, 2018
...See more hi. i'm looking for someone who wouldn't mind speaking with me (possibly offline) about my eating disorder as well as stress. i think i need a little extra support as things in my life have got a bit more difficult and i don't want to bother anybody so i thought i'd ask here. It's been difficult to find support in GR because a lot of people don't understand and end the conversation after i answer their first question. so i'm hoping to find somebody who is willing to speak to me about this and doesn't feel uncomfortable with the topic. thanks
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are any ed listeners able to talk?
Eating Disorder Support / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 June 1st, 2018
...See more Is anybody avaliable to message? I need some support and i can't find anybody who take ED chats and isn't on a break. I'm struggling with a pretty bad relapse at the moment and idk i just want to talk to somebody. sorry if this isn't the right place to put this i just have been turned away but a lot of listeners recently
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Struggling...
Eating Disorder Support / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 June 24th, 2018
...See more Been struggling for a while now, but i guess in the past month things have started to go downhill - worse than they ever have before. I am struggling with my eating disorder. I've had my eating disorder for about 6 years now. In summer 2016 it got pretty bad, but luckily i was able to go into recovery and I was able to manage my behaviours. However, this year has been a struggle - i've been slowly getting back to the place and go backwards in my recovery. I am now way worse than i was in 2016, and this past month or two I have relapsed pretty badly and at a quick rate. My college noticed, they have set me into multiple meetings and want to section me, even I know this has gotten bad. I am not eating much (I haven't eaten a proper meal in 6 days, only eaten two biscuits during this time) and I am running a lot because its the only thing that helps clear my mind. I know its not healthy. I am starting to realise I need help. I don't want to go into inpatient or be sectioned but maybe its for the best. I don't know. Any tips on how to stop the thoughts? make them shut up even a little? It's so hard. My family don't understand mental health and my friends don't care.
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Eating Disorder Getting Worse + School
Eating Disorder Support / by myparalleluniverse
Last post
 March 12th, 2018
...See more Hello Everybody, I have been having a difficult time recently with my eating disorder - having relapsed. I know they behaviour is unhealthy but I just can't help it. So the problem is I have gained so much over the past year (when i was supposed to be in recovery) and I want to lose weight so that I can be healthier. So I have been working out a lot recently - at first it was ok and I thought I was doing everything right but my friends became to be concerned. I have been doing 2/3 hours a night running on the treadmill plus additional workouts depending on what I have eaten that day. I have not been a huge eater, even during the past year but I won't go over 200 cals now - I need to lose weight and I think thats the only way I can. Anyway I had a small breakdown yesterday when I was working out, as all my friends were messaging me telling me that they are concerned and stuff, and I decided that I was going to seek some professional support. (something I haven't done in all the years I have suffered.) My doctors isn't great and can be hard to get an appointment and I would like to keep my parents out (I am over 18 so shouldn't be a problem) so I decided to go to my college support and ask to see the counciller that comes in. Anyway, today I get an email from my teacher - he wants me to write a food diary of my week. We have been doing a nutrition unit and I completly understand this is a necessary part but it gets me so anxious - they keep saying it has to be of us and needs to be truthful - but 1. I don't want others knowing how much I eat, and making remaks 2. I don't want to have to think about food any more than I need to, I already think about it all the time. Plus this will cause my friends to say something which I defiantly don't want. How would you handle this? Shall I do the food diary? I am starting to think I shouldn't ask my college for help - it took me so long to convince myself but now I am having second thoughts. I am so scared and I feel like I can't do anything right. Thank you.
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