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navyShade3232
9,430 M Pacing Forward 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts134 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceJune 26, 2017
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Panic/Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by navyShade3232
Last post
 October 12th, 2018
...See more I feel panicked and anxious because I'm trying to move a hotel bathroom trashcan without touching it. I'm also diagnosed as OCD. And both bathrooms and trashcans are very triggering for me. And now I need to move the trashcan in the bathroom in a public space. I'm freaking out and panicking. I need help moving it without any of my body or clothes touching it.
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OCD Support?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by navyShade3232
Last post
 September 23rd, 2018
...See more Today is my birthday. But I feel terrible. I just got out of the ER after a really awful infection. But worse than that I'm in a situation and crying because it seems stupid and no one understands: I want to take a shower but I feel like I can't shower because I accidentally dropped a paper towel on the floor. All of my clothes, body wash, towel, ect were on top of the bed. However, I forgot I threw a paper towel (that I used to wash my hands earlier) in one of my bags that was sitting on the bed because I was in a hurry. When I hurriedly reached in to pull my towel out of my bag, the used paper towel flew out of the bag and dropped on the ground. Because the paper towel fell out of my bag that was sitting on the bed onto the carpet beside the bed, suddenly I panicked because I felt like all of my belongings on the bed were contaminated or dirty or would make me unclean/dirty. So I don't feel like I can shower. And it's almost 2 in the morning and I have to wake up at 6am. I don't have money or time or transportation to buy all new shower stuff and new clothes. So I'm literally sick with anxiety over my body/self becoming contaminated if I try to shower and use my shampoo/soap/towel and wear the clothes that were in the room when the paper towel dropped on the bedroom floor. Someone help me with the paper towel situation? My dad was abusive so I was forced to leave home. My family doesn't believe my dad was abusive so they refuse to associate with me and cut me off. So I don't have family support. I don't really have friends after they found out about my family situation. They just think I'm a freak for fleeing domestic violence. I didn't originally have OCD until my dad started attacking me. That's when the OCD started. But now most people and I'm general all of society reject me and judge me for the OCD. And the only people I know to talk to are from church. But they tell me that "OCD is a choice. And I'm choosing to let it ruin my life." They say that they prophetically hear God and that God says "I'm choosing to live in torment. And that I just need to let it go and get over it." Which makes me angry because it was never my choice to be tormented all the time. I wouldn't associate with them due to their forceful and cruel ways of speaking/treating me but I'm currently homeless because my dad was abusive. So I feel stuck and hopeless. I've never been able to find support on 7 cups. So I don't know if I should even try anymore. It's my birthday... And I'm nothing but anxious, stressed, depressed, sick (literally just got out of the ER), and exhausted. I can't even convey with words how upset I am. And it seems no one understands. And that there's no way out. And I just want to shower but now I feel like I can't. But I haven't showered in 3 days. And I just feel like not existing because I just can't anymore.
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I Need Help. Apparently, I can't deal with life.
OCD & Related Behaviors / by navyShade3232
Last post
 November 27th, 2017
...See more I need help. Severe OCD. Severe life problems. I cant function anymore. I cant do life anymore. I was diagnosed with OCD and PTSD. And I might also possibly have some form of Split Personalities/Dissociative Disorder. It's difficult to explain. Maybe I'll try to explain in a different post. But... I need to use the restroom. Ive been holding my pee since 1pm yesterday. It is now 11:45am today. I am already OCD about toilets. I cant use public bathrooms. I dont have any friends that I can go over to to use their bathroom. And now Im freaking out because someone has been flushing cockroaches down the only toilet in the house that Im staying at in order to get rid of them. Now Im afraid to use the toilet. What if the cockroach comes back up the toilet? Im paranoid no matter how many times I tell myself that if I just clean the toilet before I use it, I will be ok. But Im not ok. Ive been crying since 11pm last night because I just need to use the dang toilet and cant. I am lacking gloves therefore Im not able to use the Clorox Spray Cleaner to clean the toilet. I cant go get gloves because Im lacking a car so I DONT HAVE TRANSPORTATION. Which means I have to use a taxi. But I dont have money for a taxi because I am STRUGGLING IN MY FINANCES. Im struggling in my finances because I have an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH MY PARENTS. Im talking about physical, sexual, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual abuse. Im afraid the Clorox will bounce off the toilet and get on me. Toilets are disgusting to me and so are cockroaches. If it bounces off the toilet and gets on me I have to wash over and over at least 100 times before I have any peace. I have to run the loofah over both my left and right hands 4 times and I have to do each 4 times 100 times on each hand. That takes forever. Thats a 7-12 hour long shower. I cant do that. I battle with Eczema. So abnormally dry, itchy skin. Showering irritates my skin. And on top of that, its like I lose count and forget what number Im on because its like I space out or zone out and cant help it. That makes the shower even longer. It uses up hot water. Which can run the water and electricity bill up. And people get mad. And I dont have time to get in the shower for that long and frustrate myself because I cant even count to 4 without having to repeat everything again in order to get to the right number. No one understands. Im plagued with absolutely agony and torment. And Im not living in my own house or place because Im HOMELESS due to my ABUSIVE relationship with my dad. I cant go to any shelter or use anything thats public because the OCD is so bad. So I am temporarily living with a single mother and her 3 kids who are from Mexico but none of them speak any English and I dont speak any Spanish. Their house is disgusting. Its old and run down with holes in it. Bugs have been coming inside the house, namely cockroaches, and Ive woken up to them crawling on me several times in the middle of the night. The pit bull dog eats trash, destroys the house constantly, and pees and poops everywhere. The kids constantly aggravate the OCD. And theres a lot more going on but its too complicated to explain. But I CANT SHOWER in the place where Im living. The toilet overflowed in the lady's bathroom once and she threw the towels with pee-toilet water on it that wasnt my pee in the shower. I know if I shower in there I will feel like the disgusting stuff will never come off. And I wont be able to be clean ever. So I avoid using her shower. Especially because theres a window in the shower and I cant handle random insects coming through the window and possibly jumping on me while im naked in the shower. I have literally been having to WAIT A WEEK to shower every week for the last 2 months because the only friend that feels bad about my situation only lets me shower on Saturdays. Because shes "busy" throughout the weekdays. I am discovering I dont have real friends in real life. Not being able to shower every week has highly aggravated the OCD. I want to work but I cant because I cannot literally function. I cant get another job right now because I literally cannot function. Its too much to explain in this post because this post is already too long. But part of it is that my parents came to my workplace and harrassed me. They were uninvited and their unnecessaery and uncalled for actions lost me my job. Im also failing school right now. And there is just way too much I cant even get to mention or explain in this single post that is going on. Its too much. I havent been able to get any treatment because I dont have the money or the transportation. Life shouldnt be this hard. I just really want to use the bathroom. Why cant anyone understand? Why doesnt anyone understand that mental disorders are real and not just "in my head"? No one believes me about my parents all the abuse that happened. Why cant anything get any better? I feel like Im a hopeless case and wish I wasnt alive every single day. I cant do this anymore.
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Seeking OCD Support
OCD & Related Behaviors / by navyShade3232
Last post
 July 21st, 2017
...See more Life is impossible. I can't do this anymore. I need help. Someone who understands OCD. Please.
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