neonBlackberry159 Member Profile

...See more I always feel disgusted with my body anytime I look at myself, wake up, or after eating a lot. I always think I’m fine and I truly do feel fine until I start getting upset at myself for eating too much and getting fatter and fatter when I should have been on a cut. I workout a lot nearly 6 times a week and I’m very knowing of what I eat I know all the macros and calories and even micronutrients on some things but I just get so lazy and eat whatever all the time and it upsets me because I tried to bulk over the summer because I wanted to get bigger at that time I didn’t really care about how I looked the whole point was to gain weight and gain strength and I did for a while until mid August when I wanted to start slowing down on the eating and cutting down on fat again because just the year before I had cut down from 28 percent body fat to 16 in five months and I was proud about it now I can barely track my macros I try but I get lazy and I say to myself it’s gonna be fine and I will do it next week and it upsets me I get so upset at myself I take it out on others and then I just get sad and then I eat more because I’m not thinking about it and then I get bigger and fatter and I feel horrible every single day especially when I don’t go to the gym I feel disgusting I feel like I can’t even control myself but I know I can I don’t feel like I need help but maybe I do my lover cares about me so much and I feel so bad when I get upset about myself and she says you look perfect I feel like I’m disappointing her when I say bad things about myself but I’m disappointing myself but not changing and being a lazy bum

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