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neonRaindrop
1 329 M Embraced 3
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 6, 2019
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spiralling
Self-Harm Recovery / by neonRaindrop
Last post
 February 2nd
...See more TW i just need to vent bc ive *** up so bad and might get kicked off my course which terrifies me bc then i have no purpose and i let everyone down and everything falls apart and ive been trying so hard to keep it together. but its my fault if i do. and i cut myself tonight and its worse than ive done in a long time and i feel so *** stupid for it but idk what else to do rn. i can’t bring myself to care enough. on my arm too which i promised myself i wouldn’t ever do again because of the risk of someone seeing and also wanting to get a tattoo to cover my scars, so i’ve *** that up. great. im just so scared and lost and alone and angry at myself i dont know what to do anymore. ive told myself i have to see my doctor tomorrow which terrifies me. i feel like the biggest fraud and im so scared about being a burden on everyone again because i cant keep my *** together or do anything right. i feel like escaping all the time but i can’t run away from this. i have to face it and im so ***. the consequences of *** this up are huge. and its entirely my fault. i will lose my sense of purpose and my leverage to actually build a career and be independent and be back at square 1 wondering what the *** to do feeling like a little lost kid again and idk if i can’t take it this time
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hi:)
Self-Harm Recovery / by neonRaindrop
Last post
 January 30th
...See more hey guys, i wasn’t sure where to post this as i’m kind a newbie (first post i think) but also made this account several years ago when i was like 17. (feeling old lol.) but I think the main reason im here is because im struggling with SH again and i dont really feel like i can talk about it irl. I’ve never had the best mental health. The sh has been on and off since i was 12. i was doing a lot better for a few years but i relapsed a couple years back and its been really hard to stop again. I experience these really bad episodes of depression where everything just goes dark and life becomes really hard to deal with. and they are definitely getting worse. i spend months and months of my life just trying to look like im functioning because i have to and inevitably i end up slipping back into SH and other behaviours. i’m not very good at asking for help and i find self harm particularly really embarrassing to admit to, especially as an adult, so that’s something i need to work on. anyway sorry for the essay. i guess im just looking for somewhere to feel less alone. I really want to get over this for good and manage the depression a lot better than i am, but i know that will require a lot more courage than i have right now
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