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nyanchan4
1 171 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 13, 2022
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Sensory issues and food poisoning
General Support / by nyanchan4
Last post
 April 3rd, 2025
...See more So it's happening to me again. I managed to end up with food poisoning really bad. I can't hold down anything, not even the nausea meds. I have so little left to throw up it's just a little bit each time. I'm autistic with sensory problems and throwing up is my personal ***, it hurts, I can't breathe, and it feels like every muscle in my stomach area squeezes. I live in supported living, but there isn't really much support right now. The staff said unless I want to go to urgent care, they aren't going to help me at all, not even a wet washcloth or ice pack. They said I could get them myself. I can barely move without needing to throw up, and honestly don't know if I'd even make it to urgent care without throwing up in the car, or what they could possibly do for me at this point. I think I get zero sympathy because I'm younger than most people in the program. I feel like if anyone else was sick and asked for these things, staff would have no problem helping them. I just feel so awful and even though staff is here I feel so alone in a time when I feel the worst.
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Dream explained my depression better than I ever have.
General Support / by nyanchan4
Last post
 June 9th, 2024
...See more So my depression got into my dream again and I broke down, and what I said actually was true, and hearing myself say it was just... I can remember maybe a handful of times I was genuinely happy the last decade or so, without the depression hanging over it. I say I have good and bad days, but really there's bad days and okay days. I said I don't want to play video games, my lifelong passion, anymore that's true too, I can't tell you how many I've seen that I should be jumping at the bit for, and I just favorite the video and move on. Now I've even stopped favoriting the videos because why bother if I'm never going to enjoy playing them anyway. All I do is waste time between waking up and falling asleep, and eat random junk food because it tastes good and is one of the few sources of, I don't even know, dopamine I guess, that I have. And I've been on so many medications for it and every time there's this little hope that it'll work and every time it's exactly the same. I've done everything everyone's told me to do and nothing works and everyone expects to just act like everything is normal and okay. And it's so easy to smile and say that I'm fine but I can't do major things like work or college or volunteering I just don't have it in me so I just live off disability. And it's been so long, I just feel so much of my life was wasted. I always dream of myself about 10 years younger than I am because the last decade I've just wasted away. They say you're supposed to cringe at your younger self, but all I feel is sadness at someone who had such potential, and being desperate for the happiness I used to feel, the hope and joy I used to have and who I used to be. I try to tell myself that person is gone and I have to work with what I have now, but when I'm talking with friends or people I know, I just think "what if they knew me before" or "if only they knew me back then" but I've stopped being friends with most of the people that did know me so now I can't even talk to them about it and it all just hurts.
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It's been more than a year now
General Support / by nyanchan4
Last post
 November 29th, 2022
...See more I'm just doomed to sit here by myself I guess. No bouncing ideas around or seeing what others create for inspiration. Just sit here in my little unwanted hole. Because I can't even seem to find more than a couple of people who are even into the fandom or worldbuilding I thought I was done being upset for now, but something happened and i basically just got slapped in the face with it a short while ago, so now I'm upset again. And it sucks because I've done everything I can think of. I've looked for a year, I tried helping set up a board, I've started looking for things that are even kind of related. I even sat down and made myself post in places, which is hard for me. I get nervous that I'll say or do something wrong. It just is so hard to make it feel worth it when a board isn't even really what you are looking for. The board got 6 people and died in less than a month. Like, I always check when the alien board updates, but it's usually aliens from like, mass effect or Star wars, which is cool but, I'm always looking out for like original characters and species and universes. I just wish I could find a place. I've done everything I can think of, everything anyone has told me to do.
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