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oceanwashere1
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceDecember 1, 2021
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I’m going to leave my child’s father
Relationship Stress / by oceanwashere1
Last post
 January 3rd, 2022
...See more My child’s father (A, 21) cheated on me for over half my pregnancy. Everything was fine until I found out about it, I haven’t been the same since. There were minor things here and there, questions about his true sexuality because I had found concerning things in his phone history, If im even the right gender for him. We don’t get along anymore like we used to. Im bitter from him cheating, he’s bitter because im bitter. It’s a lose lose. I don’t know if he’s still cheating, but I have some reason to believe he still is. i have this friend (R, 19 f) and R is a really good friend to me. I went to the bar with some other girlfriends of mine and went home with them instead of drunk driving to my shared home with A. R texted me the next morning asking why I didn’t go home the previous night. I never told her I didn’t go home, who did ? The whole day I contemplated on how R knew but I didn’t ask her. Instead I’d talk with A about it n I even asked a few times if he had talked to her n told her, as R will often text A if she can’t get ahold of me (it’s never been anything more than that). Well A denied ever speaking to her and didn’t know how she knew. So I finally asked R, and what do you know, A told her. but the kicker? Neither one of them have the conversation in their phone anymore. A admitted finally that they spoke but he said he deleted it bc he didn’t want me to get mad… I’ve never been mad at R texting him to check on me before. It’s literally never been a problem. I’m getting major red flags from the both of them at this point. And I’m done with this man doing me the way he does. It will never matter how much money a man has, I will not stay where I am not valued. I may be reaching by leaving him over the lying and the suspicion I have, but I’ve already stayed after he cheated on me consecutively and ruining my shots of enjoying my pregnancy with my rainbow baby. And lying is a big no no for me, I can’t stand a liar.
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I just want to be happy again
Relationship Stress / by oceanwashere1
Last post
 December 2nd, 2021
...See more I’m a new mom, 11 days postpartum. I have a beautiful son. For backstory, my sons father (A) and I have been together consecutively since February of this year, 2021, but on and off previously for 6-8 more months before then. I can’t say I was the best partner to him for those first 6-8 months, and I do regret it, but I really have changed since we’ve gotten back together. When A and I got back together, everything was sortve rushed. I totaled my car at the end of February, I became homeless. He took me in, helped me get to work, paid my bills when I couldn’t. I soon stopped working due to depression and ptsd from my bad wreck. But he was a good guy, a good man. I loved him with my whole being. And I was finally doing right, though I have attitude problems still. I wasn’t cheating but I was still mean. I wasn’t easy on him, when I should have been. I found out I was pregnant in the middle of March. A was happy in a way, but hesitant. Something was definitely off, but I didn’t really catch it until later. He was still good to me, even when I was hateful to him. I knew I wasn’t the nicest person to be having a child with, I’ve always had some sort of chip on my shoulder, some dark cloud I’ve always carried around with me since childhood. I just didn’t know how to be soft, how to be nice or vulnerable. But he was still resilient, still a good man. fast forward to the end of June (3 days after my 20th birthday) I get a DM on Instagram from a girl who had followed me a week before. Screenshots of my partner on a secret snapchat account asking for nudes, which to find out he had been cheating the whole relationship up to this point. He was on various dating apps, purchasing only fans subscriptions, talking to women on this snapchat account. And I had no idea. I didn’t have a single inclination that he was doing this. I never knew, until someone had told me. I was so shattered, still am. I was about 5 months pregnant at this point. He denied everything at first, said it wasn’t him, looked me in my eyes and told me he couldn’t ever do that to me. And it was a lie. This good man that stood before me, that treated me so well and truly made me feel the most love I have ever felt from a man before, was cheating on me the whole time, and never stopped even after we had found out we were expecting a child. I left him for a couple of weeks, we kept in touch though. It was truly the hardest period of time for me in my life and I’ve been through some things. I’ve never been more depressed. I lost all self love and self worth. I blamed myself entirely. Maybe if I was a different person, or if I wasn’t so broken or hateful with life and was softer maybe it’d be different. I asked myself why so many times and cried every night til I fell asleep. I felt ugly, unwanted, used, unloved, but most importantly- disappointed. A was so sweet and kind, it was 100% unexpected. It hurts the most because I didn’t see it coming. I really didn’t. I never thought he was capable of doing this. we have since gotten back together, and I haven’t caught him doing anything else (I check his phone almost every night still). It’s been almost 6 months, and I still haven’t moved past it. It still effects our relationship a lot. I will say I am softer now. I do show more emotions, and I’m not as mean as I used to be. Instead of being mean, I’m bitter, and a crybaby. I will cry just about anything at this point. We have had talks about if this relationship is going anywhere, and if I even want this anymore. I do know I love A with all I have still. I just have so many doubts that I’m even the person he truly wants to be with. How could he live a double life for so long so well, and actually want to be with me? How do I know he’s not still doing this and just gotten better at hiding it? Im to the point that I’m just miserable and unhappy. We made a beautiful child together, and he deserves parents that get along and are happy. I just want to be happy again. How do I get over this? Can I even get over it?
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