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oliveClementine4979
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2026 Member sinceApril 27, 2026
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Non-monogamy relationship agreements regarding the "messy list"
Relationship Stress / by oliveClementine4979
Last post
 April 29th
...See more Hello, I am in a non-monogamous relationship where we are navigating a conflict regarding 'messy lists' and past boundaries. Early on, I expressed discomfort with my partner dating people from a period in his life when he was unfaithful to a previous partner. While we briefly explored the idea of an exception for one specific person since he really wanted to at first, my partner ultimately agreed after having a conversation with that woman, to a total 'no-past-lovers' rule. Recently, my partner has retracted his support for that agreement, suddenly. He is now claiming he only agreed due to pressure and is demanding to pursue this specific person. He has framed my boundary as a lack of 'open-mindedness' and has stated that if I don’t comply, his resulting resentment will end our relationship. I feel like my safety needs are being reframed as personal failures.  He says that ppl usually have real reasons for putting certain people on the "off limits list"  For me I don't have a good feeling with this woman, I met her to say hi once and he was vry standoffish toward me which didn't give me a good impression. Then my partner said he was still cheating on hr partner up until at least two years ago and when the later opened the relationship she could not handle the fact that her then parter was with other women (makes me question if she are able to respect me and my positioning with my parter) Something in me tells me that she will try to make him like her "more" since she is a person who searches for a lot of attention. Lately he has not been answering her messages since we decided to not date exes. but she is sending hearts now and then or saying "just here to send love not to seek attention" I find it all wierd and my gut feeling is off.  What do you get from this? And does anyone have similar experience? 
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