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ollizor
236 M Embraced 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceMay 26, 2016
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Feeling Low Again
Depression Support / by ollizor
Last post
 November 9th, 2017
...See more My first semester of college is almost over. I've managed to make some decent grades and a shitty one, and I feel like a failure. I was in the top 5% of my high school classof 500, what am I doing? I've made friends, but I feel the reaccuring theme that I'm here for their convenience. For example, the other night my friend was eating alone, so he texted me, and I met him at the cafeteria. Tonight I thought it wouldn't be too bad to do the same, since I was eating alone and knew he could bring great company. I shot him a text, knowing there's a chance he'd be busy. I waited an hour, and he hasn't even cared to read it. He's been doing that a lot lately...he won't read my messages for some reason. I feel like I messed up. He doesn't even invite me to his dorm anymore. When I'm there, sometimes even when invited, he does this crude joke asking "why are you still here?" I've told him before my anxieties about staying too long or being a bothersome person, and he's started to mess with them. If he doesn't like talking to me or hanging out with me, why can't he just tell me? I don't want it to drag out to where either our mutual friend tells me or I overhear that he hates me. I've had such a trouble making friendships, I don't want to screw another one up.
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Am I doing something wrong?
Anxiety Support / by ollizor
Last post
 November 3rd, 2017
...See more So I'm a college freshman who's finally found a little group of friends through all of the activities I'm involved in. I seem to have a nice, tight-knit group. Let's call the one person I'm concentrating on as J. J is a nice person overall, funny, and we already have several inside jokes. Sadly though, he doesn't seem to recognize my boundaries when it comes to some jokes. I, one night after chilling late over at his dorm, even remarked how I felt bad I was always around him and how I'd hate to be a bother. He's taken that, and now jokes every time I come over, "oh why are you here?" "You'll never leave, huh?" It's become repetitive and I almost feel like he hates me. I get really anxious and I have a pain in the center of my chest and a lump in my throat. It almost feels like I'll cry. It feels like I've been a bad person, that I'm a nuisance, that I've made a mistake. I'm not sure how to approach him casually about how much it actually messes with me, especially with him joking about how much it may mess with me. Any advice?
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