Am I doing something wrong?
So I'm a college freshman who's finally found a little group of friends through all of the activities I'm involved in. I seem to have a nice, tight-knit group. Let's call the one person I'm concentrating on as J.
J is a nice person overall, funny, and we already have several inside jokes. Sadly though, he doesn't seem to recognize my boundaries when it comes to some jokes.
I, one night after chilling late over at his dorm, even remarked how I felt bad I was always around him and how I'd hate to be a bother. He's taken that, and now jokes every time I come over, "oh why are you here?" "You'll never leave, huh?"
It's become repetitive and I almost feel like he hates me. I get really anxious and I have a pain in the center of my chest and a lump in my throat. It almost feels like I'll cry. It feels like I've been a bad person, that I'm a nuisance, that I've made a mistake.
I'm not sure how to approach him casually about how much it actually messes with me, especially with him joking about how much it may mess with me. Any advice?
You gave him a scenario in faulting yourself and he played accordingly and now because it's not to your wishes, you act this way? You reap what you sow.
Your response to this situation should be not to acknowledge it.
When he says: "oh why are you here?" or "You'll never leave, huh?"
The answer should be: "ohh sorry J, didn't know it mattered" and let him ponder on that, hard. and wait patiently for his response. If he says nothing, chances of him repeating this to you again in the future will be zero.
Another great approach is to say: "I can't think why you should be worried about that, J."
This will give him the impression that you are over it.
If it bothers J enough that you are acting like it's nothing then this will force him to bring up about the past, and when he does bring up the past, you may use this chance to clarify how this old joke is starting to turn him into someone tiresome and tell him to stop, politely.