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optimisticBirch2657
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMarch 17, 2021
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Depression Support / by optimisticBirch2657
Last post
 July 8th, 2021
...See more Hi y'all! Sorry for the long thread ahead... So,I think I may be having depression but I can't yet visit a professional for a diagnosis. I've always been kinda emotionaly unstable, though I don't show it to other people because I feel like that might burden them, or they wouldn't believe me, or they would start pitying me, I don't know which is worse. I first started feeling really down when I was 13, especially after one day when I really felt unsafe, I had my first panic attack later on and it just got worse afterwards to the point that I was considering ending it all. I didn't, it is weird but a dream saved me from going deeper into that dark hole and I started feeling better little by little. Fast forward 2 years later, I discovered I had scoliosis and started having digestion issues. I stayed (or tried to) strong through it all because I didn't to make my family feel sadder. Now, (I'm 19) it turns out that I might be having ulcetris solitis and I feel like a burden on my family and friends (however few they are). And, it really went bad since a year ago when my mom (I'm not blaming her, I'm just confused of how to take it) told me, while in an angry mood, that she always thinks about how it would be easier and less stressful if I wasn't born or if I just d!ed. Mom and I have always had a tension filled relationship because I'm the opposite if what she was dreaming to have in a child and is always saying/doing things to "put me in my place"(she's not physically abusive!). I've been feeling constantly tired and tense since that time, and I'm having these spurs of sadness+hopelessness+worthlessness that come from nowhere along with dark thoughts that wouldn't go away. Is this depression?Or is it something else?Am i just overeacting?
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