Help :)
Hi y'all! Sorry for the long thread ahead... So,I think I may be having depression but I can't yet visit a professional for a diagnosis. I've always been kinda emotionaly unstable, though I don't show it to other people because I feel like that might burden them, or they wouldn't believe me, or they would start pitying me, I don't know which is worse. I first started feeling really down when I was 13, especially after one day when I really felt unsafe, I had my first panic attack later on and it just got worse afterwards to the point that I was considering ending it all. I didn't, it is weird but a dream saved me from going deeper into that dark hole and I started feeling better little by little. Fast forward 2 years later, I discovered I had scoliosis and started having digestion issues. I stayed (or tried to) strong through it all because I didn't to make my family feel sadder. Now, (I'm 19) it turns out that I might be having ulcetris solitis and I feel like a burden on my family and friends (however few they are). And, it really went bad since a year ago when my mom (I'm not blaming her, I'm just confused of how to take it) told me, while in an angry mood, that she always thinks about how it would be easier and less stressful if I wasn't born or if I just d!ed. Mom and I have always had a tension filled relationship because I'm the opposite if what she was dreaming to have in a child and is always saying/doing things to "put me in my place"(she's not physically abusive!). I've been feeling constantly tired and tense since that time, and I'm having these spurs of sadness+hopelessness+worthlessness that come from nowhere along with dark thoughts that wouldn't go away. Is this depression?Or is it something else?Am i just overeacting?
Hello @optimisticBirch2657 ! Good job in identifying your thoughts. My understanding is it is always best to get diagnosis from an professional about mental health issues. Reading through your situation I would say you need help. Now I always thought needing help shows weakness. But I have learned that there is nothing wrong in getting help if you are willing to make the effort.
Depression or not, your thoughts are really painful to bear. I am sorry that you are going through so much. If you can reach out to someone who can be more open minded and get you to the proper mental health professional then that would be great.
My advice is, no one should bear the generational or parental weight. We never asked to be born and we all are born with our individual characteristics. What is wrong or stressful for someone can be suitable for another person and that is ok. Life is full of mistakes and the common purpose of life is to learn from them and then grow from that path. YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVING OF ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU NEED.
I'm not a professional and can't provide a diagnosis, but just by listening to what you are experiencing - anxiety; tiredness etc. you may be experiencing some mild/situational form of anxiety or early depression. That is ok, it is not the end of the world it is just the name our society has labeled on a certain state of being, a group of feelings and symptoms thereof. It is ok, and frankly it is better to know what you are dealing with as opposed to having the extra burden of not knowing and constantly questioning yourself. My suggestion is that you go and see a counselor or therapist, and that you do it now while your feelings are manageable. This is not something you want to leave alone too long, nor just sit back and wish it away. It takes effort to work through these periods of our life, and often times when we come out the other side we are changed people - for the better and typically much more resilient in all facets of life. You may first wish to see your doctor, explain how you are feeling, and get a physical check up. Then, go and see a counselor. You can speak to your GP about this also, and get a referral. See if your parents can help you with this, should you feel comfortable doing so. but please take action now and get help. i’m here for you💕
