optimisticJet1066 Member Profile

...See more Hi everyone, 77+kg female here. I'm honestly so tired of swinging through binge cycles, I can sometimes go up to 3 days without a binge but after that I usually have a huge binge, I used to binge multiple times a day but after going on holiday I didnt have the chance to binge because everything was cooked for me and all the food where we were staying was not mine (a friend's) which my binging has caused me to steal food from family before but after stealing a bit of food from them I felt so guilty afterwards because they was a friend. Whenever I binge it honestly just feels like I'm being possessed and as if some kind of demon is taking over my body forcing me to lie, steal and just eat, and eat and eat. I try my best to stop myself but the harder I try the harder it becomes to take control. I always feel as though I'm just a passenger in my own body viewing from a distance behind a window whenever I binge which scares me so much, I'll eat even the nastiest stuff when binging and whilst I'm a vegeterian who loves animals during binging I've developed a taste for very thin bits of ham, I dont like the taste of meat and I especially hate the taste of ham but whilst binging my body goes straight for it (I live with meat eaters) the thing with binging is that I cant taste any of it which is really weird and I hate it because if I'm going to be eating so much food and gaining weight from it I want to be able to enjoy it. I've had a binge eating disorder since I was a little girl and I always went through a cycle of constant binging and starvation so it's been many years since it first developed but it's just gotten worse as I got older

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