Binge eating
Hi everyone, 77+kg female here.
I'm honestly so tired of swinging through binge cycles, I can sometimes go up to 3 days without a binge but after that I usually have a huge binge, I used to binge multiple times a day but after going on holiday I didnt have the chance to binge because everything was cooked for me and all the food where we were staying was not mine (a friend's) which my binging has caused me to steal food from family before but after stealing a bit of food from them I felt so guilty afterwards because they was a friend.
Whenever I binge it honestly just feels like I'm being possessed and as if some kind of demon is taking over my body forcing me to lie, steal and just eat, and eat and eat. I try my best to stop myself but the harder I try the harder it becomes to take control.
I always feel as though I'm just a passenger in my own body viewing from a distance behind a window whenever I binge which scares me so much, I'll eat even the nastiest stuff when binging and whilst I'm a vegeterian who loves animals during binging I've developed a taste for very thin bits of ham, I dont like the taste of meat and I especially hate the taste of ham but whilst binging my body goes straight for it (I live with meat eaters) the thing with binging is that I cant taste any of it which is really weird and I hate it because if I'm going to be eating so much food and gaining weight from it I want to be able to enjoy it.
I've had a binge eating disorder since I was a little girl and I always went through a cycle of constant binging and starvation so it's been many years since it first developed but it's just gotten worse as I got older
I empathize with you. I have binging issues myself. I need to lose weight for health reasons, but binging cycles make it impossible. I have been overweight/obese for the past 22 years. Honestly I don't know what to do. Looking for answers like you.
Jet,
thank you for sharing. I can completely relate in every way. I’ve stolen and I hide food. I lie and fake smiles when I’m binging and feeling depressed. I want to just sleep all of this up and down, back and forth feelings of feeling good and feeling like dirt behind. I don’t sleep the day anymore though… but I wish I could some days.
We have to remember our support systems but sometimes that is even hard. Today I’m going to give myself some time alone and be as kind as I can be to myself. Being kind to ourselves when we feel so low feels impossible but Jet, you are strong and you are more than the person that watches yourself eat. Let’s forgive ourselves and be just a little kind to ourselves today.
im here if you’d ever like to chat. I truly related to every statement you voiced, thank you for allowing me to connect with you on such a personal level by sharing it out loud.
Thank you so much for being open about your experience 🤗. I can truly relate, and it makes me feel less alone.
I go from the restrictive end to binging, currently on the binging side.
I am trying to recover and seeing that there are others out there are going throw similar things makes me feel validated. I carry a lot of shame and guilt because of my behaviors.
Now I’m trying to cook for myself healthy meals that make me feel happy, because I was binging on junk food just to punish myself for whatever reason.
Still working on portion control and speed (I currently eat very fast) but every small victory counts.
Sending love and strength,
Hope 🤗❤️