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optimisticOcean267
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceApril 10, 2021
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Friendship break up
Relationship Stress / by optimisticOcean267
Last post
 April 11th, 2021
...See more Hi so I’ve just joined this community because I’m not at my best at the moment. I need to know other peoples’ perspectives on my story. I’ve lost my best friend recently. He decided to put an end to our friendship because I’ve hurt him so many times, which is reasonable. He had been stuck in an endless loop of suffering all because of me, and I can’t repay him anymore or change because he’s already gone. I’ve never tried to hurt him intentionally, and I would never ever inflict pain upon somebody on purpose, I’m not that kind of person. He must be feeling the same way I am - lost, hurt, and miserable. I can’t go on without him and I don’t want to. I grew with him, we inspired each other and made each other happy. But all I feel right now is guilt and self-hatred because I repeatedly hurt the one person that was always there for me. We both faulted in our friendship but he was meticulous with his promises. He hurt me once or twice and when I forgave him he changed for the better and never hurt me again. I wasn’t the same. I was completely oblivious when I hurt him which hurt him so much that he chose to leave. I wish he would understand how much I wish he could come back and how badly I want to make up for all the suffering I’ve caused. I can’t trust myself with anybody I love anymore. I don’t want to double or triple the guilt I’m feeling. I’m remorseful as hell but I feel like a terrible person. He called me manipulative and untrustworthy. I thought I was better than this. I had high expectations for myself. I can’t love myself if he hates me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want this broken friendship to be permanent but he seems pretty sure of the fact that I can’t change.
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