Friendship break up
Hi so I’ve just joined this community because I’m not at my best at the moment. I need to know other peoples’ perspectives on my story. I’ve lost my best friend recently. He decided to put an end to our friendship because I’ve hurt him so many times, which is reasonable. He had been stuck in an endless loop of suffering all because of me, and I can’t repay him anymore or change because he’s already gone. I’ve never tried to hurt him intentionally, and I would never ever inflict pain upon somebody on purpose, I’m not that kind of person. He must be feeling the same way I am - lost, hurt, and miserable. I can’t go on without him and I don’t want to. I grew with him, we inspired each other and made each other happy. But all I feel right now is guilt and self-hatred because I repeatedly hurt the one person that was always there for me. We both faulted in our friendship but he was meticulous with his promises. He hurt me once or twice and when I forgave him he changed for the better and never hurt me again. I wasn’t the same. I was completely oblivious when I hurt him which hurt him so much that he chose to leave. I wish he would understand how much I wish he could come back and how badly I want to make up for all the suffering I’ve caused. I can’t trust myself with anybody I love anymore. I don’t want to double or triple the guilt I’m feeling. I’m remorseful as hell but I feel like a terrible person. He called me manipulative and untrustworthy. I thought I was better than this. I had high expectations for myself. I can’t love myself if he hates me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want this broken friendship to be permanent but he seems pretty sure of the fact that I can’t change.
Hello! I have just joined this community like 10 minutes ago as well. My best advice for you will be to accept what you have done, learn from your mistakes and put your guilt into better use like helping other people. I relate from your situation because I hurt someone I really cared about, just like you did. It’s really easy to hate yourself and dwell on what you have done do nothing to change yourself for the better. Once people set their mind to get you out of their life, you can pretty much do nothing about it. Accept it and try to move on. Don’t be too tough on yourself, you would have to learn to forgive yourself.
@optimisticOcean267 kinda went through the same thing but no longer talking due to just it didn't feel the same anymore plus I moved away across the country.
I lost my 20+ years old friendship with my best friend a year ago. It still gets me, but it definitely feels much better than how it felt a year ago. I miss him, I don’t think we’ve hurt each others that much, and I was surprised he decided to cut off all ties like that, our common friends are surprised too. But, whether we like it or not, life goes on, emotions subside, and it doesn’t have to make sense for you to accept it. One day you will, or maybe one day you both will find a way back. I still didn’t completely lose hope that me and my friend would find our way back, but I don’t let that hope take much of my brain power anymore. First couple of weeks were horrible, I genuinely suffered and had nothing on my mind except that.. Month by month the intensity of the down decreased, and some sort of “accepting” that it is really happening started to fill in my heart, and one day I decided that it’s really Ok, am glad he’s alive and that I haven’t lost him to something horrifying like death for example. I also kept repeating a phrase in my head over and over every time I feel bad about it, it’s in Islamic religion, it translates to “The real good is in what’s God has chosen for you” - If you think about it, its only one of two things, he’ll either give your friendship another chance at some point, or, he’ll never look back, and in both cases you will want to be strong, happy with yourself and already past whatever “you” think needs to be improved about you. So up until time shows you where this situation is really heading, collect yourself, work on yourself, bring some joy back into your heart, widen your attention to other things and people you still didn’t lose.. since tomorrow is definitely a better day. You’ll either re-unite when you’re in a better place.. Or you’ll get over it and you’ll find peace. For now, just focus on you and don’t leave your mind to wander about that story, for a while.
If you really care about your friend, give him space and respect his decision. Focus on moving forward and learning the lessons on how to be a better friend moving forward instead of dwelling on the breakup. I recently broke off a thirty year friendship because she has a history of making openly racist comments. The rest of the friendship was precious to me but even one unforgivable thing can end an otherwise good friendship. We did not have the same values and I finally had the strength to stand up to her. Take care.
