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optimisticPerson7187
2 103 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceOctober 20, 2025
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I think I’m breaking without even realizing it
Depression Support / by optimisticPerson7187
Last post
 October 21st, 2025
...See more I’m 17 and on my last year of high school. When I was in elementary school I had lots of friends and I was living a normal life with no problems, but once I was in middle school, COVID-19 happened and I was alone for a while. But since I was stuck at home all the time I started playing video games a lot and I made two amazing friends over the long break, but they live across the world so I never really got to see them in person. Covid started when I was in sixth grade and I was finally able to go back to school in eighth grade and when I went back, I don’t know what happened, but I felt like I was a completely different person than how I used to be. I had no friends anymore because all the friends I used to have. I didn’t talk to them for all the years while I was stuck in doors. I still had a tiny bit of people who knew me, but I didn’t have like any actual friends so I was quite lonely, but I still had my friends on Xbox so I didn’t feel too bad. Once I got into high school, I was excited about it thinking this would be the best four years of my school life. But reality these years have scarred me very deeply. And all my four years of high school I never made any friends and never had a relationship I was very lonely. I live in a very suburban area so there’s not many buildings to do fun stuff and so I would always be stuck at home in my room just waiting for the days to end. I have to be honest. I didn’t have my friends online anymore because they got too old to play so I was truly by myself in my high school years. I’m a little bit better now since I’m in my last year and I’m just gonna leave everything behind got so bad that I thought about committing suicide and I’ve hurt myself in the past because of everything that happened. I would get bullied but not physically bullied but I would get mentally bullied by people I’m very lonely so I tried to become peoples friends and they called me names for my entire high school life they still do but I just tend to ignore it now since I’m going to leave soon anyways. No one ever took me serious and it just messed me up. I think there might be something wrong with me because some nights I just cry, but I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like my body is being affected by it. And I think I might be losing my mind because a lot of times I talk to myself in my room like I’m having a conversation with a person that’s in front of Me and gone to the point that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I just wanna leave everything behind and not look back because everything that I have right now in my eyes is hurting me. I just wanna be free from all the pain and suffering I had have gone through. all I want is to feel happy again because it’s been so long.
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