I think I’m breaking without even realizing it
I’m 17 and on my last year of high school. When I was in elementary school I had lots of friends and I was living a normal life with no problems, but once I was in middle school, COVID-19 happened and I was alone for a while. But since I was stuck at home all the time I started playing video games a lot and I made two amazing friends over the long break, but they live across the world so I never really got to see them in person. Covid started when I was in sixth grade and I was finally able to go back to school in eighth grade and when I went back, I don’t know what happened, but I felt like I was a completely different person than how I used to be. I had no friends anymore because all the friends I used to have. I didn’t talk to them for all the years while I was stuck in doors. I still had a tiny bit of people who knew me, but I didn’t have like any actual friends so I was quite lonely, but I still had my friends on Xbox so I didn’t feel too bad.
Once I got into high school, I was excited about it thinking this would be the best four years of my school life. But reality these years have scarred me very deeply.
And all my four years of high school I never made any friends and never had a relationship I was very lonely. I live in a very suburban area so there’s not many buildings to do fun stuff and so I would always be stuck at home in my room just waiting for the days to end. I have to be honest. I didn’t have my friends online anymore because they got too old to play so I was truly by myself in my high school years.
I’m a little bit better now since I’m in my last year and I’m just gonna leave everything behind got so bad that I thought about committing suicide and I’ve hurt myself in the past because of everything that happened. I would get bullied but not physically bullied but I would get mentally bullied by people
I’m very lonely so I tried to become peoples friends and they called me names for my entire high school life they still do but I just tend to ignore it now since I’m going to leave soon anyways. No one ever took me serious and it just messed me up.
I think there might be something wrong with me because some nights I just cry, but I don’t even know why I do it. It’s like my body is being affected by it. And I think I might be losing my mind because a lot of times I talk to myself in my room like I’m having a conversation with a person that’s in front of Me and gone to the point that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I just wanna leave everything behind and not look back because everything that I have right now in my eyes is hurting me. I just wanna be free from all the pain and suffering I had have gone through.
all I want is to feel happy again because it’s been so long.
@optimisticPerson7187
Trust me, there is nothing at all wrong with you.
Covid was so unexpected.
So hard.
So isolating and alot of people found it hard to start reconnecting socially again.
I'm sorry you are struggling so much.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to make friends.
Why not start slowly here, one day at a time.
Make friends.
Be gentle on yourself.
💕💜
Welcome to seven cups 🥰
Hey man, I just wanted to say… I’m really sorry you’ve been through all that. That kind of loneliness and hurt can mess you up in ways most people will never understand. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that or made to feel invisible.
What you’re describing...the crying for no reason, talking to yourself, feeling like you’re losing your mind...that’s not something “wrong” with you. It’s what happens when you’ve been in pain for too long and had no one to really talk to about it. It’s your body and mind trying to deal with everything you’ve been carrying.
I get some of what you mean, honestly. That feeling of just wanting peace, wanting to be free from everything that hurts...i’ve felt that too. But even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, things can start to feel lighter. Slowly, yeah, but they do... Once you start doing stuff... Just for yourself... Just to fulfill... Yourself.
You don’t have to go through this alone anymore, bro. Please, talk to someone who can really help...like a school counselor, a trusted adult, or even a helpline. They actually help people get through this kind of stuff every day.
You said you just want to feel happy again...that’s a really human thing to want, and it’s still possible. You’ve made it through every bad day so far, even the ones that tried to break you. That means there’s still something in you that wants to live; and that’s worth fighting for.
I might not have all the answers, but I care, and I’ll listen if you ever need to talk. You’re not alone in this, alright?
That's so relatable.. specially when you said crying whole night for no reason, losing my mind, talking to myself imagining that person.. this all happens to me also.. sometimes these mind made scenarios due to overthinking creates issues because reality is different than what we overthink and then I behave as if I know it all and throwing my imaginary scenes in front of them and losing all respect at times.