orangeLion6700 Member Profile

...See more Hello, First, thanks everyone for a listening ear. I'm not sure where to start but I have not been able to speak to anyone about my problems and have been keeping things bottled up inside for months. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. It was a shotgun marriage, we met in college, dated for 2.5 years then I got her pregnant. I chose to marry her so that we could have the child and raise the baby. Since we've married, we have four children and they are now all grown up - ages 23, 19, 17 and 14. I love our children and would do anything for them. My wife was a stay at home mom for 10 years raising the kids. For that I am grateful. But she feels like only she went through a lot in those 10 years. What about the pressure on me to make sure I brought home money to pay for everything? In short, in 23 years of marriage, I have sacrificed my own needs and wants to provide a comfortable home, food, and all the essentials to raise my family. I am aware that she did as well and I tell her that I appreciate it. There were many good times but in the past two years, something changed with my relationship with my wife. I think it definitely has to do with being around her and the kids 24/7 during covid. I found many things I started disliking about her and things that made me very resentful. I’m sure she finds things that she doesn’t like about me too. I feel that she only cares about the kids and never pays any attention or shows any affection towards me. She rarely wants to do anything together. She doesn't clean the house and that makes me feel like she doesn't appreciate what I've provided for her and the family. All she does is spend spend spend. She doesn't know how to save a penny. In fact, she doesn't have any savings at all. And our sex life was pretty much nonexistent for the past two years. I can probably count the number of times we had sex during that time. When I talk to her about it, she gets mad and doesn’t talk to me for days. I asked her once how she thinks she will survive when she is older and her response was that the kids will care for her. In my mind, I can’t help but think what kind of a burden she will put on the kids. She is extremely stubborn and I ALWAYS end up apologizing so that we could stop fighting. I am just tired of it and in the past month, we have not really spoken to each other. I want to end to end the marriage and divorce but I am worried about the kids, especially my youngest. She’s only 14 and going through her pre-teen moods. I don't want to keep the house if I divorce but what else can I do? I don't want the kids to suffer because their stupid parents can’t get along. I also have to get the courage to go through with the divorce and with moving out too. Another fear keeping me from going forward is the thought of being alone. I’m 51 years old and half my life was spent being married and raising the kids. Now to go out there by myself, that is pretty scary thought. I haven’t spoken to any family or friends about this because I feel ashamed but why am I not entitled to be happy too? I just don't know what to do. I don't think we can reconcile because I just don't think I love her anymore. I think she probably feels the same. I started going back to work in the office and I feel so much better and less stressed than when I am home with her. Am I doing the right thing? We've tried marriage counseling. It wasn't very helpful. Maybe it was the counselor we had. I feel really lost and confused and scared.

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