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patientCar8837
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PathStep 26 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceDecember 3, 2025
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Self-Harm Recovery / by patientCar8837
Last post
 January 26th
...See more so after being clean for 2 years, i relapsed. i kept going at it for about two weeks, it was the only thing on my mind but one day i opened up to a friend and told them a bit too much. they obviously seemed very affected by me always venting to them so i decided to try to make myself feel better. i've been clean for two days now but im barely hanging on. my mom died when i was young so i am stuck with a stepmom and we really do not get along well. she's always yelling at me and looking through my room etc. she was part of the problem on why i sh two years back and she's the reason on why i want to cut again. two days of being clean isn't really that long but i don't want to disappoint the person that i said i wouldn't do it again. i feel so guilty for upsetting them. but it's so hard not to. yes i try alternatives but i feel like i'm drowning because of the thought of doing it. i feel comforted by it ,temporarily, but it's still comfort. all the thoughts and voices go quiet in my head and i feel at peace, i just feel numb. it is so hard to stay clean especially since all my cuts are nearly all healed and there's faint scaring left. with my stepmom annoying me a lot the last two days everything  has just been building up. i try to act more happy around others but that is so exhausting. sometimes i wish that she could just leave my life. i really can't wait to be able to move out and not have to deal with her anymore, my dad doesn't really do anything to help either. i keep playing with the blade, trying to stop myself from doing it but it's taking a lot of willpower. anyways i just wanted to talk about some things to hopefully distract myself
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