peachSkies4401 Member Profile

...See more Hello, not quite sure if anyone will interact with this, but I just need to get this out there. I dont know what to do anymore. Im 16, turning 17 soon and I feel miserable. For as long as I can remember, I've been feeling this way. With some periods of time being better, some worse, but all in all, I haven't been alright in years. Since I was around ten everything started going downhill, I would describe it as the time I had finally opened my eyes. I noticed things I hadn't before, that my family wasn't as perfect as I believed. Then it got worse, I experienced csa from two family members and ended up growing a strong sense of self-hatred. It stopped when I was around 12 I believe, but it left me scarred. My parents didn't know for a while, but eventually they found out, nothing much changed though. I was partially blamed for not speaking up and didn't get the help I needed, I was extremely upset. I got depressed, suicidal and never got to see professionals, I didn't talk about the way I felt because it never got me anywhere. I had multiple attempts and still didn't get professional help. Here's the thing, now, I just pretend I'm okay. It's better than what was happening before but it's tiring me out so much. I still have thoughts about death, sh and other things, I am constantly exhausted and don't feel like doing anything. I truly don't know what my future holds, I still need to live here for a while and it's driving me crazy, even if there's nothing major going on anymore. I can't bring myself to work because I barely get what I already have to do done but eventually I have to work. I have to do something at one point. Among all of this, I have plenty of other struggles as well, which makes this all the more difficult, but this is the thing destroying me most. How tf do I deal with all of this?? I haven't given up yet, I want to, but I can't. Though I also can't keep living like this for years to go.

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