pebbles202 Member Profile

...See more I don't know how relevant this is to this group, but I really need to get something off my chest into the cyber world. Quick background, I've suffered from depression & anxiety for 15 years (+ a cutter) & went through a horrible divorce with an abusive man 4 years ago. Since then, I've had dating disaster after disaster. I broke up with someone a while ago because he said he can't take the chance of having someone unstable raise his kids- which of course threw me into a deep hole that I'm still trying to climb out of. Additionally, I can't seem to hold onto a job. I do the best I can, but it's never good enough (I have a BA in Business)... People have told me I'm nice, and good, and helpful and loving, but I don't see anything besides a burden and annoying. I'm just so lost and confused and worried and hurt. I feel like I don't deserve happiness because I broke my ex husband when I kicked him out. I'm sorry, I just wanted to get this out and I really don't know what to do. Or how to proceed. Everyone around me is moving forward in careers, life, family, etc and I'm stuck in the sludge, more like quicksand- not only am I not moving forward, but if anything, I'm falling down. I dont know how to just be thankful for what i have. i have food, a roof over my head... it's more than many people do & that should be enough.... why can't that be enough... I'm trying to teach myself not to want a family or partner or career, I'm really trying, but I still have a glimmer of hope that I can't seem to get rid of. Sorry for such a long letter... just wanted to get that out there.

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