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philosophicalDime64
251 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceJanuary 2, 2015
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Not Sure how to cope...
Depression Support / by philosophicalDime64
Last post
 January 2nd, 2015
...See more My life has never been easy. From as far back as I remember its been one struggle after another. I've tried many times to end my life, but I don't like pain so I can never seem to go through with it. A year ago, my friend killed herself, I was SO Jealous. How could she do it and not me? Lately it's gotten worse, as I grow older all I do is push people away. I'm rude. Stubborn. I'm never happy and I cause people around me to feel the same unhappiness. I'm in a relationship with this WONDERFUL guy who loves me and I love him, but I ruin it. We always talk about our future and marriage, but I can't picture a future. I've always assumed I wouldn't have one because ill just kill myself the first chance I get. I feel so.. Pointless. A waste of space. I can't even picture a time when I was ACTUALLY happy. I've faked it for so long I don't know how to stop. I know I need help, but I dont know how to get it.. I dont even know how to talk to anyone.. I dont know what to do..
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