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pinkBranch2835
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts47 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceMay 4, 2024
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Going through a serious breakup with the man I thought was the one
35 & Over Community / by pinkBranch2835
Last post
 July 1st, 2024
...See more My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me this week.. We met in such a magical way on new years eve when I was in Panama on a 3 day trip and we connected on so many levels. I went back to my home in Costa Rica and 2 weeks after having deep conversations on the phone every single day, he asked me if I wanted to move to Panama to be with him. 2 months later I moved here. We had a wonderful life and we were happy. Things were great. But I projected my baggage and trust/control issues from previous relationship trauma onto him without realizing how bad it was affecting us. Through inner work I've discovered that my inner child has fears of abandonment and unworthiness. I found myself a few times towards the end of our relationship telling him "You don't care" when he wasn't reacting the way I thought he should, even though I knew deep down he really did. This week we got into another argument and he said he was done and even though he still loves me, he doesn't feel the same way as he used to. I'm kicking myself because I feel like a failure and a terrible person for treating him the way I did and not working on my traumas/insecurities more actively. Why did it take losing him for me to realize the hurt I was causing?  I told him I promised I would work on it, if he could just give me one week to notice changes and if he still felt the same way I would respect his decision and we would part ways, but that I didn't want to pull the plug now when we are both emotional or make decisions based solely on the emotions and I would like a few days to decompress and revisit things. He feels that I shouldn't have brought any of my baggage at all and should have started from zero with him, since he didn't bring his baggage from being cheated on towards me. IMO A relationship is where 2 people heal themselves while helping each other heal and have the hard conversations. I'm finding out in this breakup process that he doesn't believe in that.  He said it was best if we stop this cycle and part ways now before things get worse. I'm so heartbroken and feeling like I lost my best friend and so many future plans we had made. I'm here in Panama at our house where we still live together, but apart, trying to plan my next move. I definitely can't stay here for my healing process. It's tearing me apart. I've never felt this sad. All I want to do is lay around and cry. I don't feel like eating much. I can't even go a moment without seeing something that makes me think of him. I don't even want to go into any room where he might be while we still live here. He is hurting too. I know he is.. but He's good at stuffing down his emotions and has been going about life like things are normal. I can't pretend everything is normal. I know if I go there and sit with him I'll just start crying. I'm considering going back to Costa Rica or Argentina to heal and be with my friends, or back home to the US to live with my family for a bit since my financial situation is terrible and I need to recover. The latter would relieve financial stress, but put me in an environment where I don't have my friends and I'll feel isolated.
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