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pinkLemon8343
3,243 M Seeking Light
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts99 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 28, 2022
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He Wishes I never got pregnant
Relationship Stress / by pinkLemon8343
Last post
 November 19th, 2023
...See more Hello, I've been dating my bf for 3 years. We just found out a month ago we are expecting. We went back and forth and ultimately decided to keep the baby. We don't have a lot of money and we have to get married and move out fast. It's very stressful. I understand. On most days my boyfriend kisses my belly and says a lot of nice things concerning the baby. However when he is stressed or feels like he hasn't been able to "relax" he often times says "I wish I never got you pregnant" and when I get sad he gets mad. He says I should understand that now is a bad time and he is allowed to feel that way. Am I wrong for feeling heartbroken. I understand this is hard. I still work 40 hour weeks while having pregnancy insomnia. But I don't feel like it's right to wish your baby away.
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Fears of A shut up ring
Relationship Stress / by pinkLemon8343
Last post
 September 16th, 2023
...See more Hello. I've been with my partner for three years almost. Just two months left. For two years we have talked about marriage and our future. He always says he wants marriage but he needs to get things in order. Well this year he promised after I was being sad (I won't lie) that he would propose to me. From the beginning of this year he enrolled himself in some online certificate class that can be done in 6 months if you take your time but sooner if you want to go faster. He said once he does that and gets a new job he will propose to me. Well, problem is that it's been over six months, we are ending the year soon and he's not even 25% done with his certificate. He doesn't ever want to look for new jobs. He doesn't go to work because he doesn't like his job. He doesn't do his schooling. He just wants to play games and relax. He tells me that even if I help him with the rest of the wedding stuff financially that he doesn't have money to buy a ring and it's impossible for him to save up...He doesn't currently pay any bills. I found a ring for super cheap but yet beautiful and told him I don't need a whole thing. Still nothing. I've been trying to keep my mouth shut about it to not stress him out. Also I don't want a forced proposal. A shut up ring. However today I got sad. My friend whom I used to confide in how I felt because she also was going through the same just told me today her boyfriend is buying her a ring. While I'm happy for her I feel sad and alone in this struggle now and I'm sad that it took her bf a year and 1 month to propose to her where I've been waiting three. I told him this and he got super angry. Saying he's not rushing for anyone.... so I asked him if it wasn't for me would he just take his time until whenever he decides and he said yes. It hurt so bad. I feel like I need to give up on the idea of marriage. He doesn't seem to want to put in the work for our future in general. What do I do? Am I wrong? I want to be not unfair but im so heartbroken.
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Boundaries with In Laws and Self respect
Relationship Stress / by pinkLemon8343
Last post
 October 17th, 2022
...See more Hi, im having a hard time. I currently feel stuck with two options 1) stay with my man and just accept reality or 2) break up. Im 23 . I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. Within that time we broke up for two weeks and went through a lot of literally shit as we dealt with trust issues from many lies he told and his anger that he acquired out of the frustration of not knowing how to fix himself to make me happy. I've tried very hard to be the best to him. I look up therapy videos all the time and read articles. I let him talk when he cares to express himself. I've done everything. Im in therapy myself. But while he has gotten better on things like anger and lying and stuff, he continues to struggle with setting boundaries and sticking up for himself and us with his family. For 7 plus months his mom has been on and off texting me everytime he gets angry. Everytime he screams and yells and breaks his things, I get a text where I told off and blamed. I've been told that they're going to invoke my family. I've been told that they were going to stop him talking to me. I've been kicked out of their home and told I couldn't say goodbye to him. Just always blamed. I don't yell at him. I don't even use curse words. I don't even cry anymore. I just calmly speak about things that hurt my feelings and somehow that triggers him. So now he gets angry and it's apparently my fault. For not leaving him alone. It's hard to leave someone you love. But anyways. I've expresssed how we've spent weeks not talking to each other and hiding our relationship from them to not hear them talk. I've expressed to him how bad that makes me feel. That I can't have a normal relationship. That they talk bad about me. That you can't even call me when they're around. I feel like I have no privacy either. They're constantly looking at your phone and location. They stand outside your door to listen into our conversations. They force me to talk about why I'm upset and my issues that feel personal. It goes too far. I told him I can't live this way. That I want a man that will stick up for me and us and even for himself. He does everything they want. He'll clean the bathroom three weeks in a row so his brothers don't get on him cause they don't wanna do it. He'll buy things he doesn't like. He lets his mom and family literally decide everything for him. He has no say. It's hard because not only do I not like it in general but this also has affected our relationship. Therefor for probably 7 months and even more we will argue on and off about how he refuses to change the pattern even tho he tells me that he doesn't like his role in the family. He doesn't like being told what to do and pushed around. He says he understands but then continues to let them do so. Today for example he didn't sleep. He had 2 hours of sleep and then he went to take family photos. Afterwards his family decided they wanted to go to a restaurant and also to Best Buy to shop around. They got home an hour and a half before he had work. His mom knew he hadn't slept. So he gets home and tells me that he wants to call out of work cause he doesn't feel good. Well his mom wakes him up to go to work anyways. Well he immediately gets ready and drives to work and says " I have to go" meanwhile I m like okay why can't you tell your mom you don't feel good and stay. You could have even said yeah imma go but really you could have come over here and just slept at my place. He very recently got off of his family tracking app (Life360) so she wouldn't even know that you lied. Nope he says he feels obligated to go because he doesn't want to go against her. i just don't even know what to do anymore. It just feels like he's always gonna be this way. He's currently angry at me like beyond angry because I'm upset that he didn't get sleep cause he couldn't stick up to his mom. Side note. He also said that he was gonna see me today after photos cause we haven't seen each other much recently but then he didn't sleep and proceeded to hang out with his family after photos. And then he said well to make up for it I'll sleep and I'll see you later. Well turns out he's going to work so now he can't see me and he gets out at 11:30 pm so he told me that he's gonna sleep as soon as he gets home. am I being irrational? are there any tips on how to get my needs filled but also be respectful to him? how can I be a good girlfriend for him in this situation? i feel stuck.
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