Boundaries with In Laws and Self respect

Hi, im having a hard time. I currently feel stuck with two options 1) stay with my man and just accept reality or 2) break up. Im 23 . I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. Within that time we broke up for two weeks and went through a lot of literally shit as we dealt with trust issues from many lies he told and his anger that he acquired out of the frustration of not knowing how to fix himself to make me happy. I've tried very hard to be the best to him. I look up therapy videos all the time and read articles. I let him talk when he cares to express himself. I've done everything. Im in therapy myself. But while he has gotten better on things like anger and lying and stuff, he continues to struggle with setting boundaries and sticking up for himself and us with his family. For 7 plus months his mom has been on and off texting me everytime he gets angry. Everytime he screams and yells and breaks his things, I get a text where I told off and blamed. I've been told that they're going to invoke my family. I've been told that they were going to stop him talking to me. I've been kicked out of their home and told I couldn't say goodbye to him. Just always blamed. I don't yell at him. I don't even use curse words. I don't even cry anymore. I just calmly speak about things that hurt my feelings and somehow that triggers him. So now he gets angry and it's apparently my fault. For not leaving him alone. It's hard to leave someone you love. But anyways. I've expresssed how we've spent weeks not talking to each other and hiding our relationship from them to not hear them talk. I've expressed to him how bad that makes me feel. That I can't have a normal relationship. That they talk bad about me. That you can't even call me when they're around. I feel like I have no privacy either. They're constantly looking at your phone and location. They stand outside your door to listen into our conversations. They force me to talk about why I'm upset and my issues that feel personal. It goes too far. I told him I can't live this way. That I want a man that will stick up for me and us and even for himself. He does everything they want. He'll clean the bathroom three weeks in a row so his brothers don't get on him cause they don't wanna do it. He'll buy things he doesn't like. He lets his mom and family literally decide everything for him. He has no say. It's hard because not only do I not like it in general but this also has affected our relationship. Therefor for probably 7 months and even more we will argue on and off about how he refuses to change the pattern even tho he tells me that he doesn't like his role in the family. He doesn't like being told what to do and pushed around. He says he understands but then continues to let them do so. Today for example he didn't sleep. He had 2 hours of sleep and then he went to take family photos. Afterwards his family decided they wanted to go to a restaurant and also to Best Buy to shop around. They got home an hour and a half before he had work. His mom knew he hadn't slept. So he gets home and tells me that he wants to call out of work cause he doesn't feel good. Well his mom wakes him up to go to work anyways. Well he immediately gets ready and drives to work and says " I have to go" meanwhile I m like okay why can't you tell your mom you don't feel good and stay. You could have even said yeah imma go but really you could have come over here and just slept at my place. He very recently got off of his family tracking app (Life360) so she wouldn't even know that you lied. Nope he says he feels obligated to go because he doesn't want to go against her.

i just don't even know what to do anymore. It just feels like he's always gonna be this way. He's currently angry at me like beyond angry because I'm upset that he didn't get sleep cause he couldn't stick up to his mom. Side note. He also said that he was gonna see me today after photos cause we haven't seen each other much recently but then he didn't sleep and proceeded to hang out with his family after photos. And then he said well to make up for it I'll sleep and I'll see you later. Well turns out he's going to work so now he can't see me and he gets out at 11:30 pm so he told me that he's gonna sleep as soon as he gets home.

am I being irrational?

are there any tips on how to get my needs filled but also be respectful to him?

how can I be a good girlfriend for him in this situation?

i feel stuck.