pinkMoon9754 Member Profile

...See more I’m new in app so I don’t know how to use it correctly. I am 17 and I’ve been verbally, emotionally and physically abused since I was 3, the physical stopped when I was 13 because I guess you cannot beat teenagers. Since then my mom she just says that no one would never love me and that I’m a narcissist and I’m worthless that I’m never enough that I’m dumb and can’t think critically normally she says those things when I put a different pillowcase on a pillow or just because it took me a second to think answer to something. And she makes me self conscious and doubt about everything I cannot do anything if not think what she will say if I do I overanalyse even the way I walk. I try not to take personally but is everyday from day to night she is always saying and sometimes I don’t even do nothing like this one time she lost in court her mothers house because of her brother and she started to scream and say that I’m just like her brother a narcissist psychopath and that I will die alone and just screaming to me like I’m her brother she does multiple times and then saying that she is just teaching me and I’m the stupid one because I never learn so basically gaslighting me, I want it to stop I cannot ask her to stop saying those things because then she will say she is just preparing me for the world but I just can’t I’m tired, I also can’t afford therapy so please help me, how can I stop enduring the abuse I want to heal I want to be me, I’m kind and I’m lovable but is so hard to be that way when I’m constantly told the opposite. The other thing is taking a tool in my romantic relationship where my boyfriend comes from a healthy family and I’m not so I’m so draining to be around my boyfriend doesn’t say but I don’t want to be trauma dumping everyday to him and my communication is bad and is exhausting for him I know and I love him I want to be a better girlfriend. When I see all the problems around my life it comes down to here my mom and how we are. Please help how can I slowly not take my moms word and stop being gaslighted to think so poor about myself I want to be happy and heal from it. I will only go to college next year which means Im going to be far from here ( I was supposed to go this year but I was scammed by the agency my mom hired in which multiple times I told him it didn’t feel right what they were doing and she just told me if I continued she wouldn’t pay for it, so this entire year I’ve been at home so it was very difficult and still is, right now I asked my boyfriend for a break so I could work on myself to be more mentally stable, I want to get better for me and for him. I swear I’m not a bad person and I don’t want to say that im the victim or playing out like that I genuinely just want peace and be myself. Thank you :)

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