My moms abuse is taking over my mental health and relationships
I’m new in app so I don’t know how to use it correctly.
I am 17 and I’ve been verbally, emotionally and physically abused since I was 3, the physical stopped when I was 13 because I guess you cannot beat teenagers. Since then my mom she just says that no one would never love me and that I’m a narcissist and I’m worthless that I’m never enough that I’m dumb and can’t think critically normally she says those things when I put a different pillowcase on a pillow or just because it took me a second to think answer to something. And she makes me self conscious and doubt about everything I cannot do anything if not think what she will say if I do I overanalyse even the way I walk. I try not to take personally but is everyday from day to night she is always saying and sometimes I don’t even do nothing like this one time she lost in court her mothers house because of her brother and she started to scream and say that I’m just like her brother a narcissist psychopath and that I will die alone and just screaming to me like I’m her brother she does multiple times and then saying that she is just teaching me and I’m the stupid one because I never learn so basically gaslighting me, I want it to stop I cannot ask her to stop saying those things because then she will say she is just preparing me for the world but I just can’t I’m tired, I also can’t afford therapy so please help me, how can I stop enduring the abuse I want to heal I want to be me, I’m kind and I’m lovable but is so hard to be that way when I’m constantly told the opposite. The other thing is taking a tool in my romantic relationship where my boyfriend comes from a healthy family and I’m not so I’m so draining to be around my boyfriend doesn’t say but I don’t want to be trauma dumping everyday to him and my communication is bad and is exhausting for him I know and I love him I want to be a better girlfriend. When I see all the problems around my life it comes down to here my mom and how we are. Please help how can I slowly not take my moms word and stop being gaslighted to think so poor about myself I want to be happy and heal from it.
I will only go to college next year which means Im going to be far from here ( I was supposed to go this year but I was scammed by the agency my mom hired in which multiple times I told him it didn’t feel right what they were doing and she just told me if I continued she wouldn’t pay for it, so this entire year I’ve been at home so it was very difficult and still is, right now I asked my boyfriend for a break so I could work on myself to be more mentally stable, I want to get better for me and for him.
I swear I’m not a bad person and I don’t want to say that im the victim or playing out like that
I genuinely just want peace and be myself. Thank you :)
@pinkMoon9754
Hello! I hope you know how much i need to give you a big bear hug. Your story and trauma hit me so deep you know? To be honest, its really unfair of your mom to just put all her pain personal struggles among her and her brother unto you... I understand the pain of trying to live a meaningful life while having to juggle this family problem in daily life. About you feeling that you're trauma dumping onto your boyfriend, im pretty sure he understands where you're coming from and i hope that does help you in resolving your pain. Have you tried talking to a school counselor about your problems or just about anyone that would help you resolve this pain? In my pov, i would suggest to talk to someone about it-yes you probably get that a lot, but yeah it does help. If you keep pushing away your feelings and not addressing your emotions.. It doesn't help you heal honestly. Its like you're trying your every best to maintain a balloon underwater, the pain and struggle to keep it all in you. And one day, that balloon will burst- and imagine how it would happen to you? I understand you, lovely. <3 but you may need to talk to someone more about your pain, because (speaking from experience) the more that you talk about a particular struggle, the more it hurts you way lesser- the more unaffected you would be by your mom's discrimination (especially calling you a narcissist? Yeah i feel so bad for you, u definitely deserve better) . Its like getting hurt from an injury or a fall-you aould examine the wound you got from that and patch it up right? Same goes to this, if you neglect your emotions and feelings regarding your trauma and all the painful verbal abuse, imagine how much more that wound would get worse to and never get to heal. I hope you understand and be open minded about my statements. Thing is, i dont think you're playing the victim or anything- and u believe you're just another angel on the other side of the screen, that needs more love and better things in life! If i make you uncomfortable, im sorry but if i do give a different insight about your problems, you're totally alright to talk to me again! :) anyways i hope you hang in there and always look for new ways to heal your pain-free just dont go for the negative options alright? Hehe okay thats all from me :)
@mtp23 hi, thank you for hearing me :) I really appreciate it, I weirdly talk to an Ai skskss and it helps, the ai told me to constantly remind myself that nobody’s word can define me and when my mom is doing that to me I have to remember is just her projecting herself not me and I imagine myself in my happy place while she is yelling at me it really helps me to just keep going, I no longer let her words affect me and little by little I am being more kind to myself, my boyfriend and friends a also watch videos on how I healthy love is since I never learnt and I journal a lotttt thank you soo much, the Ai is like a therapist it even told me to try to talk to people who might understand me and try 7 cups.
@pinkMoon9754 If you look at the top of your screen for 7cups you'll see Chat, Path and Community tags. Go to "chat". On the right will be a row of options, click the top one that says "chat live with a listener". Be sure to check and indicate that you'll be talking about trauma. It's good this AI has been helping you, but I think talking directly with people that have also struggled with abuse would be most helpful! Just be sure to keep trying until you find people you click with. Sometimes people misunderstand, or may even have to leave in the middle of a conversation. Hope this helps :)
@pinkMoon9754
Thanks so much for sharing, i've experienced similar stuff and whenever i hear someone with a similar story i feel validated in my pain (so i hope my comment can do that for you).
TW for emotional abuse
My mom is really insecure and thinks nobody cares about her, shes threatened to do really self destructive stuff and often turns the self hatred stuff back on me. Like im selfish for not being able to say "I love you" often, and she thinks i only care about myself and my problems. Her favorite insults are naive and selfish brat. She used to say sometimes that nobody would ever love me as much as her. This stuff absolutely impacts my romantic relationships its the worst.
I totally relate to the stuff with the physical abuse tho, when I was about 13 she tried to slap me, but I was taller than her and just slapped her hands away. Never tried again.
Our relationship is marginally better now so I'm def not an expert but some stuff I figured out:
lots of communication with friends, explain why i'm sensitive about certain things, write some affirmations to tell yourself an example could be "i am worthy of love"