pinkmango24 Member Profile

...See more i willingly went to a hotel room to have a few drinks and chill with an older man a few months ago. he was 10 years older than me, but id known him for over a year and was comfortable around him. we smoked w33d and had a couple drinks because i couldn’t feel the effects of the blunt. my memory got super fuzzy and the only things i remember are laying on the ground with one of my condoms in my hand, and choking him while i was on top of him. i know he did something to me because one of my condoms was gone. i couldn’t remember anything so i asked him, and he said we didn’t do anything, just hung out. the guilt eats me alive everyday, i shouldn’t have gone to that hotel with him, it was my fault. i shouldn’t have done anything like that, why didn’t i use my brain. why didn’t i know it was not safe, i should’ve kept myself safer. and these thoughts won’t leave me alone, that i’m disgusting now, and no one will want me, even if i told the one person who was supposed to love me, he wouldn’t want me anymore because i’m disgusting now. i’m damaged or something. why would anyone want a damaged person, no one will love me now, no one loved me before how can they love me now. it’s so hard being alone with my thoughts, i always have to distract myself.

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