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placidLion9589
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2015 Member sinceOctober 29, 2015
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Seeking advice home/school
Depression Support / by placidLion9589
Last post
 March 11th, 2016
...See more for the past 7 years of my life I have suffered from depression. I'm now 17. I live under a family that's toxic, went to a school were I was severely bullied, and now attend junior year in high school. I need some help. I don't feel comfortable at school or home. I have absolutely no friends and I'm the class loser outta everyone. I hate school. It makes me depressed. I've never been able to make a single friend my entire life, the way I grew up with my parents affected that severely. If anyone messages me, or wishes to talk to me, they only want to copy my notes or homework. :( I am jealous of those around me, all happy and fortunate in their lives. And only to return home, an uncomfortable dreaded place I've been livening in. It's toxic. I'm almost graduating high school, but the problem is, there is no money for me to move out as soon as possible. I am stuck living with them,the two parents who should have never had kids in the first place. Until one day I can make enough money to go away. If I was born a guy, I would have lived on the streets instead, but born a 5 foot ugly girl doesn't help. It makes it worse. I just feel so heavy. So lonely. My mother doesn't love me, my father doesn't at all, especially him, the only thing those two ever do is buy basic necessities so that I won't die off and they be sent to jail or someshit but it is only an act of care not of love. Just as animals do for their young. They never wanted to have children. They've beaten me up before ever since I was a little girl. Both of them. They always make feel bad, belittling me because they don't think I'm good enough. Even though I'm a straight a student. But it looks like that's a buncha shit that doesn't count. They say I ruin their lives by existing, and I feel bad, guilty but there's nothing I can do about it. :( I can't kill my self because funerals cost money and I don't want my parents to "suffer" more because of me unless I can find a way, and it's not like I can "unborn" myself. It's been 7 years, each year it gets heavier and heavier as I get older. I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely. There's no where for me to go to get away from everything. I feel like I'm scarred. I'm tired that every single time I go back home from school, or every single Friday for the past 5-7 years I contemplate suicide. I'm so tired I hate school and home. Please give me advice. Maybe I've got more ahead of me being 17 but I feel like I'm so scarred from everything I've gone through. So detached. I can say 100% I hate life.
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