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placidMango9778
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceNovember 9, 2021
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Does anyone have experience of the 'ick' in a long term relationship?
Relationship Stress / by placidMango9778
Last post
 January 12th, 2022
...See more I'm curious if anyone has had a similar experience with the 'ick' and can offer any insight. My boyfriend is a lovely, attractive man and we have been together almost 4 years. For the past year I have really struggled with intimacy with him, and for lack of a kinder word have felt repulsed by any sort of sexual contact. I love spending time with him, but the thought of kissing/sex/intimacy with him really turns me off. We have talked about it and I have tried to make an effort, but I just don't feel it anymore. I wish I did as he's a great guy. In the past I have felt this way in relationships after 2-3 years and have taken that as a sign of the end and broken up at this point, and I can't say I have ever looked back and felt that was a mistake. But this time is more complicated as we are financially entwined and own a house together. Has anyone felt the same way and managed to turn it around? Or am I just dragging out the inevitable?
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I can't decide who to choose
Relationship Stress / by placidMango9778
Last post
 November 14th, 2021
...See more 5 years ago I met a guy that I dated and fell completely in love with. While he clearly was also keen on me, he wasn't ready for a relationship. We had a casual thing for a while which gradually stopped. But we always remained in contact and stayed friends. I never stopped feeling very strongly for him. Fast forward a year or so later and he had a new girlfriend and I met a really really lovely guy who I now live with. I didn't have that insane chemistry with him, but it was great to be in a straightforward relationship with a great guy and we fell in love. As time passed myself and the first guy kept in touch, and realised we were both still in love with each other. We have stayed in touch ever since, and I'm ashamed to say it has been an affair of the heart that has been in the background of my relationship since the start. Fast forward to now...I have a mortgage and a dog with my partner who is a great guy and loves me very much. He's like my best buddy, and I love hanging out with him. But I have no desire for him anymore. I now flinch when he goes to kiss me and I have to actively stop myself from showing it. I don't know why, he's a handsome man and I do love him. I know he's a great catch and I'm scared to lose a good thing. I still have all these feelings for the other guy, and he's really keen for us to be together. And if it was a blank slate, it would be him I'd want to be with. But I feel like I'm in too deep with my partner. We have financial commitments, he'd be devastated to lose our dog, and he'd be devastated to lose me. Perhaps if I cut out the other guy then my desire for my partner would come back, but what if it doesn't and I throw away my chance at happiness. Neither of them deserve this, and my partner is so scared of losing me. I just don't think I can do that to him. I also have ended relationships around the 3 year mark in the past as things get stale, and I fear I'm just going to repeat this cycle over and over. My fear of hurting or losing either of them has led me in to lying to them both, and I'm struggling to enjoy anything in my life anymore with the stress this is causing me. I feel terribly guilty and the looming thought of needing to make a choice and end this is paralysing me with fear. I have dug myself a hole that feels too deep to get out of, and I'm struggling to cope.
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