Does anyone have experience of the 'ick' in a long term relationship?
I'm curious if anyone has had a similar experience with the 'ick' and can offer any insight. My boyfriend is a lovely, attractive man and we have been together almost 4 years. For the past year I have really struggled with intimacy with him, and for lack of a kinder word have felt repulsed by any sort of sexual contact. I love spending time with him, but the thought of kissing/sex/intimacy with him really turns me off. We have talked about it and I have tried to make an effort, but I just don't feel it anymore. I wish I did as he's a great guy. In the past I have felt this way in relationships after 2-3 years and have taken that as a sign of the end and broken up at this point, and I can't say I have ever looked back and felt that was a mistake. But this time is more complicated as we are financially entwined and own a house together. Has anyone felt the same way and managed to turn it around? Or am I just dragging out the inevitable?
Hi, unfortunately I have been in a relationship now for 12 years and for me it never went away. They are lovely and we spend every moment togheter but sexually they are not compatible with me. If we are alone no magic happens maybe because of their nature of being more submissive while I am attracted to dominance and only that can kinda turn me on and lead to something more.
It's not your fault neither theirs, but it's normal for relationship to end up feeling boring, stagnant or uneventful. All these shows have told us that something must be wrong if nothing happens in our life constantly, we almost have to feel crazy over our partners otherwise is a failure of relationship. But as you mentioned you appreciate them, so I would try to understand why did this disgust happened in the first place. In my case years ago it was because we always had fights and they never apologised as I wished they would do, this led to resent and hate which of course developed in avoiding and hating every sexual interaction.
We went to live togheter and now things are better, I am no longer repulsed because they grew up a bit and therapy helped solving our past issues.
Leaving a relationship because you don't feel sexually pleased is right and there aren't actually bad reasons to leave something that doesn't make you happy.
I would say, evaluate what would be more important, to try to tell him how you feel and maybe look for a solution togheter or to just leave, but I wouldn't just end things with them without explaining what is really going on, no matter how painful that would be to hear. Being left behind is also very painful, so at this point having a conversation is the best option.
I hope this helped clear your mind a lil bit!
Hello, not sure if I’m too late here.. but I have experienced the same after 6 years. I love my partner, he is my best friend and I’m attracted to him physically.. but I have intermittent moments if ICK especially if he initiates.. I started to read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and I think it is helping me. Hope it can help you too! Best wishes. <3